


Three Hundred and Fifty Hours

by wife27



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Crowley Just Wants To Be Loved (Good Omens), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Protective Crowley, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wife27/pseuds/wife27
Summary: Anthony Crowley meets Ezra Fell when he is forced to do community service at the Tadfield Library. His volunteer work becomes less reluctant over time as he begins to realize he may have misjudged the seemingly prudish boy he was paired to work with.A High School AUUpdate- Chapter 11 now has art!
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 261
Kudos: 500
Collections: Good Omens Human AUs, Ineffable Humans AU





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> I have rated this as mature for language, mentions of homophobia, references to abuse, and eventually some light smut.
> 
> This will probably be about 10 chapters, but I’m not quite sure yet. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“Mr. Crowley,” the judge started, “you claimed that you would be able to care for yourself after your emancipation.” 

“And I do, your honor. I manage all my own finances, I have a stable job, a place to live-”

“And,” the judge cut in, “you have decided it is acceptable to steal cars?”

Crowley leaned into the microphone, “Joyriding, your honor. Every intention of bringing the car back.”

“Mhmmm, and is it true that you were picked up while trying to illegally purchase alcohol with a fake ID?”

“But I did not and I never would have driven under the influence of it, ever.”

“Being so close to 18 you could be prosecuted as an adult, especially since another judge has already ruled you so in the eyes of the law,” she stared at him intently, “but I’m feeling generous today. I have decided to drop the grand theft auto charge against you and reduce the charge to joyriding. It is hereby sentenced that Mr.Crowley’s fake ID will be taken away and he will be required to serve 350 hours of community service to be completed in the next 6 months.” She turned to address him personally, “Anthony, I suggest you keep a better group of friends in the future. I heard that quite a few people scattered when you were apprehended.”

“Noted, your honor.” Crowley’s friends really were shit. If one of them had come to testify on his behalf, it could have strengthened his joyriding plea. They were all too busy worrying about themselves, even though he had the most to lose. He slid his sunglasses on as he walked out of the building. Luckily, taking them off always garnered him some sympathy in court. He lit up a cigarette hoping it would relieve some of his stress. 

Three hundred and fifty hours would definitely cut into his social life (which mainly consisted of drinking with aforementioned shit friends) but at least it would solidify his position as school bad-ass. Tadfield was a small town, so everyone knew everybody else’s business. He desperately missed London, but there was no way he could afford to live there on his own.

Most people were hesitant to hire an emancipated 16 year old. Tracy, a sympathetic friend of his mothers, had been kind enough to offer him a job at her plant nursery and to rent out the small flat above it for dirt cheap. That was two years ago. Now Crowley was doing his best to finish year 13 while working his ass off on the weekends. 

-

It was decided that Crowley’s school guidance counselor would become the equivalent of his parole officer. Essentially, it would be her job to monitor him and make sure he was progressing with his service hours. 

“So, what do you got for me, Agnes? That judge saddled me with a load of work.” He took a seat on an over-sized chair in her cluttered office. 

Agnes sighed, “Antony, you’re lucky it was only community service and not jail time. For God's sake, stealing a vintage Bentley? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking my current car is shite, but I’m very ready to atone for my wickedness.” He gave a remorseless smile. 

Agnes placed a large manila folder on her crowded desk, “Honestly, I don’t have many opportunities for you. Most places don’t want you as a volunteer.” 

“They’re rejecting unpaid slave labor?”

“You've garnered yourself quite the reputation. Doesn’t help that you never take those damn things off,” Agnes said while gesturing at his sunglasses. 

“Nothing I can do about it,” Crowley shrugged. “Helps add to my aesthetic.”

“Because that giant snake tattoo and piercings weren’t enough?” she scoffed. “There is one thing I managed to swing. It actually fits in well with your work and school schedule. For three hours every weekday you can volunteer at the Tadfield Library after school,” she held up a finger, “and please don’t protest. I don’t want to hear how this cuts into your valuable time smoking behind the bleachers.”

Crowley let out an overly dramatic sigh, “That’s doable, I guess.” It actually worked perfectly. He would’ve been fucked if he had to quit his job or cut back on hours. He only worked some weeknights and it was mostly after closing. 

“AND as per suggestion of the court, I’ve paired you up with a peer mentor. He’ll be here in a few moments. He works at the library and will be with you during your volunteer hours. He made some adjustments to his schedule so he could work during your shift.”

“People were willing to make accommodations to volunteer with me?” That was weirdly touching. 

“Person,” Agnes corrected, “I tried reaching out to multiple students that worked in the community. Mr. Fell was the only one who agreed to spend time with you. I’m assuming the rest were too afraid.”

“Wait, Fell? As in one of Reverend Fell’s brood? No, no way. They’re all self righteous pricks! The whole lot is rotten.”

“They’re not all bad,” Agnes protested.

“Sandalphon called me a fag last year, remember? I ended up here after I kicked his ass.”

“Sandalphon has already graduated and Ezra is…”

“Ezra? The quiet one that never talks to people? Noooooo, he’s the weirdest of them all! At least his sister Michael says what she’s thinking instead of that silent judgement thing.” 

“Give this a chance, Anthony. I have a feeling this will be good for you.” Agnes winked. 

There was a tap on the door. “Hello, Miss Nutter. I’m sorry, am I late?”

“Not at all.” Agnes smiled and waved her hand between the two boys. “Ezra, this is Anthony. Anthony, this is Ezra”.

Crowley somehow slouched farther into his chair and turned to look at the person he’d be spending 350 hours with. Ezra was quiet and Crowley had never paid much attention to him. He was shorter than Crowley, but almost everyone was. He was wearing khaki pants and an ill-fitting, green jumper. A mop of white-blond curls sat at the top of his round face. His full lips parted into a radiant smile as he reached out his hand, “Pleased to meet you, Anthony.” Crowley couldn’t help but think, _ugh, of course he’s cute_ , which was quickly followed by the thought, _where did that come from_. Crowley stared at his manicured, pale hand and decided to shake it. It was surprisingly soft. 

“Call me Crowley.” was his only reply. 

Ezra beamed at him. “Well, Crowley, I look forward to working with you.”

Soon after their introduction, Agnes shooed them out of her office. “I’ll give you some time to get acquainted. Anthony, your service work begins today.”

After the door had shut, Crowley turned to face Ezra. “So you’ve got nothing better to do? Not a single friend to spend time with you instead?” Crowley gave him a condescending look. Maybe he could get Ezra to quit. If he was lucky, Ezra would at least rearrange his schedule so he wouldn’t be babysat while doing his sentence. 

“I’m quite content with my social life, thank you,” Ezra sniffed. “You can’t insult me out of doing this, if that’s what you’re attempting. If it makes you feel better, I’m not in love with this arrangement either.”

“Then quit.”

“I’ve already agreed to work with you and I don’t go back on my word. Also, you’re required to have a peer mentor and it sounds like you’ve got no one else to help you.”

Crowley's stomach clenched. “I don’t need anyone else’s help, never have.”

“That doesn’t seem to be true at the moment.” Ezra turned to look at him. “My shift starts at 3:30. I’ll see you then.”

The library was a half hour walk from the school. Crowley considered offering him a ride, but decided against it. The less time he could spend with this sanctimonious goody goody the better. 

——

“You’ll rarely see Francis, the librarian. We’ll be working mainly in the back.” Ezra gestured around the large, well-lit room they were standing in. “This is where we scan in the returned books. You’ll look over them for damage and reapply tags if necessary. When finished, you’ll set them onto this cart, which we’ll take to the floor for reshelving in the evening. If any minor repairs or cleanings are necessary, let me know and I will take care of it for you.”

“I think I’m capable of cleaning things,” Crowley sneered. 

“I’m sure you are, but repairing and cleaning a book can be trickier than a shirt or a car.” 

Crowley rolled his eyes. “I know you think you’re better than me, but you don’t have to be so patronizing.”

Ezra raised his eyebrows. “I’m not being patronizing, and I never said I was better than you.” 

“But you were thinking it,” he jeered. 

“Was I? Who knew you were the school bad boy _and_ school psychic. You better go tell Anathema she’s been dethroned.”

Crowley snorted. He liked Anathema well enough, even if she was eccentric. “Didn’t know you were friends with Device.”

“I don’t have any friends, remember?” he said pointedly. “Anathema was my lab partner in chemistry last year. She’s always been kind to me, which has been rare among the student population.” Ezra didn’t even sound sad when saying how unpopular he was, it was just something he seemed to accept. “She’s also in theater II with me and buddies with me for group scenes. It’s very nice of her, since she could have her pick of anyone. She’s very pretty.”

Crowley nodded, feeling slightly guilty. While Ezra’s family was a nightmare, Ezra had never been mean to him directly. Maybe he should ease up on the snide remarks. This whole service thing would be easier if he could keep it civil. He tried to change the subject. “So how long have you worked here?”

“I volunteered for about a year and a half before they offered me a job last fall.” . 

“You used to volunteer just for fun?”

Ezra shrugged. “I like being around the books. This place has always felt peaceful and safe. It’s one of the few areas in my life that feels free of judgement.” His expression looked dreamy for a moment. “Even if I don’t get to read while working, I find it very comforting.” 

“I think you get enough reading done at school.” Crowley didn’t cross paths with him often, but when he had seen Ezra his face was always shoved into a book. 

“I enjoy reading, and I don’t get the chance to at home. Father expects we only read the Bible, which I don’t really mind.” 

“Your father sounds… strict.”

“He is. More so since my mother passed. It hit the whole family very hard.”

Ezra’s mom had died before Crowley moved to Tadfield, so he had never met her. “I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say.

Ezra tugged at the crucifix he wore around his neck. “Thank you for your sympathy. I feel blessed to have known her, even if our time together was short. She was a very caring person.”

Crowley thought about his own junkie mother, feeling very blessed their time had been cut short thanks to his emancipation. “Consider yourself lucky, I couldn’t wait to be rid of mine.”

“You’re not in touch with either of your parents?”

“Been emancipated for two years. My mom was a wreck. I spent more time taking care of her than myself. Never knew my dad.” It’d been a long time since he’d talked about family situation to anyone. He’d seen a therapist to work through some of his issues, but it was still a touchy subject. How could he possibly feel so comfortable speaking about it now? He guessed the library really was a safe space.

Ezra set a gentle hand on top of Crowley’s. “I’m very sorry to hear that.”

Crowley let Ezra’s hand linger for a moment before pulling his own away. He immediately missed the warmth. “It is what it is.” A few quiet moments passed as the two began working. 

“Isn’t it hard to read with those things on?” Ezra questioned while pointing to Crowley’s sunglasses.

“Isn’t it hard to work when asking dumb questions?” Crowley asked defensively. The library wasn’t _that_ safe of a space yet. Ezra raised his hands as if to say sorry. The time passed in easy silence. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

——

The rest of the week passed similarly. Crowley would arrive at the library and spend three hours working alongside Ezra. Sometimes they were silent, sometimes they engaged in surprisingly good conversation. 

“Ezra, please tell me you don’t really believe she belonged with Victor Lazslo.”

“He was fighting the Nazis! He’s the pure embodiment of a noble hero. He was arguably a better man than a nightclub owner. It’s better for everyone that Ilsa ended up with him.”

“S’not the point! Point is she actually loved Humphrey Bogart.”

“Maybe what’s best for everyone should be the point, rather than following our own…uh… intimate desires.”

“Are you saying shaggability doesn’t matter?”

“Dear Lord, no need to be so crass.”

Crowley laughed, “When did you watch Casablanca anyways? I get the feeling your father wouldn’t approve of something so immoral.”

“I stayed up late and watched it on the telly.”

“And you said _I_ was the school bad boy,” Crowley teased. 

Ezra swatted at his arm playfully. “Oh yes, I think you’ll find I’m quite different than you expected.” And if that wasn’t the understatement of the year, Crowley didn’t know what was. 

“I need a break.” Ezra sat down at a wooden table and gestured for Crowley to come over while he dug through his backpack. “I made these for you,” he said while pulling out a large tupper.

“What is it?”

“They’re blueberry scones.”

“Why?” Crowley stared at him confusedly.

“It sounded like you didn’t have time to make yourself dinner before going to the nursery the other night. I thought this would be a good snack to have, just in case.” 

“What, did you put something in them? Is this a prank?”

Ezra looked perplexed, “What? Of course not. I made them because no one likes to be hungry, Crowley. Lord knows you're skinny enough.”

“Oh, uh, thanks then. I guess.” Crowley avoided eye contact while Ezra handed him the tupper. He could feel his face had grown hot. 

One week down, twenty five to go.


	2. Ruinous Tendencies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Crowley had spent the entire weekend living off the delicious, buttery scones that Ezra had made for him. When was the last time someone had cooked for him? Never. It was an easy statistic to remember. The sense of being somewhat cared for was a strange sensation that made Crowley’s chest feel tight. It wasn’t something he was capable of dealing with quite yet.

Crowley was enjoying the new structure his life had found. His old routine of getting high behind the school was starting to lose its charm in his memories. He found that eating baked goods and having comfortable conversations with Ezra was much more appealing.

“Have you finished your essay for Pince’s class yet? It’s only 4,000 words, yet I feel like it’s taking me an awfully long time to complete it.”

Crowley snorted, “Ezra, I haven’t even picked out a book yet.”

“You what?! But the paper is due Monday!” 

“Eh, I’ve got four more days.” Ezra’s mouth was hanging open in shock. “Don’t look at me like that,” Crowley said indignantly, “I’m just not a big reader. Haven’t found anything I’m interested in. Probably just wing it with something I’ve read before.”

Before Crowley had finished his sentence, Ezra was already scrambling through the shelves. After a few moments he had found what he was looking for and shoved it in Crowley’s hands.

“John Steinbeck?”

“Of Mice and Men. It’s a classic. It’s also well written, short, and I really do think you’d enjoy it.” 

Crowley thumbed through the pages and sighed at the excited look on Ezra’s face. “I’ll consider giving it a try. No promises though.”

“That’s all I ask for.” Ezra grinned and everything else temporarily disappeared.

Crowley shook his head. “Alright, let’s talk about something other than school. What are your thoughts on ducks?”

“It’s actually funny that you should ask.” 

\-------------------------------------------

Ezra was comfortable with his life. He didn’t have many friends per se, but he was okay with that. There was Anathema, who was kind and always talked to him at school. Also, her boyfriend Newt was pleasant, even if he didn’t speak much. His sister Michael attended Tadfield High, but he never saw much of her around. Now, there was Crowley. 

The handsome redhead had caught Ezra’s attention on more than one occasion, but Crowley caught the eye of everyone at school. Firstly, it was hard to miss someone so tall. In addition, he had a snake tattoo that curled up his left bicep, piercings that hung from both of his ears, he constantly wore sunglasses indoors, and often showcased bruises on his knuckles from various fights.

Of course, there were other reasons he’d noticed Crowley. Upon further inspection, Ezra came to the conclusion that the man was beauty incarnate. His bruised knuckles were attached to long, elegant fingers. His nose and sharp cheekbones were lightly dusted with freckles, as if he had been delicately kissed by the sun itself. His build was slender, but also muscular. If Crowley had been alive in the 1600’s, Ezra was certain that Bernini would have immortalized him in marble. Ezra had also never seen hair that was so deeply red. It seemed to mirror the burning feeling in his belly when he’d brushed past Crowley in the hallway. Naturally, Crowley had never noticed him. Why would he? 

Ultimately, it wasn’t Crowley’s beauty which led Ezra to volunteer with him. Crowley had needed help. That was it. Though he’d observed Anthony Crowley from afar, Ezra wasn’t sure what to expect of him in person. Whatever his expectations were, they certainly didn’t match the person he was getting to know. He never expected Crowley to be someone who gratefully accepted biscuits, or take an un-ironic interest in his crochet work. Ezra felt that there was so much more to him than the unfeeling, bad boy persona he put forward. Crowley was clever and funny and surprisingly kind. Ezra knew he needed to be careful, but it was difficult to keep himself guarded. Crowley was just so charming, he could feel his walls breaking down. 

Ezra knew that he should feel somewhat conflicted after the incident with Sandalphon, but his brother had deserved a good flogging. Homophobic slurs were not uncommon in the Fell household, which was highly disappointing, but they were definitely unacceptable in society. Ezra was glad that his brother had (hopefully) learned some type of lesson about respecting peoples’ orientations, especially for Ezra’s own closeted sake. 

Ezra had begun sorting through a new shipment of books when Crowley burst into the room with a, “You could have fucking warned me, Ezra!”

Ezra let out an embarrassing squeak of surprise, but quickly regained his composure. “There’s no need for that kind of language. What in the world are you referring to?”

Crowley held up a copy of Of Mice and Men. “I’m referring to this monstrosity you forced me to read!”

“Crowley, you read Stephen King novels. You can’t seriously tell me that you classify this as a monstrosity.”

“You know what you’re getting into with King! I thought I was reading about friends making a new life for themselves and then, boom! Literally boom!”

“Wait, did you read the entire book last night?”

Crowley threw his arms in the air. “I couldn’t put the blasted thing down! Also, s’not that long. Don’t seem so surprised.”

“Okay, let’s talk about it then. What are your thoughts? What did you find so upsetting?” While Crowley began speaking, Ezra riffled through his backpack and began furiously writing on a notepad.

“What didn’t I find upsetting? You forced me to analyze the predatory nature of human existence!”

“How do you mean?” Ezra began scribbling. 

“Well, there’s George who I’m assuming is _supposed_ to a symbol of the everyday man.”

“He is the symbol of the everyday man.”

“Is he really though? I get he’s an average person, not really great or terrible, just an ordinary guy trudging through life. But do you think he sums up the human experience?”

“If not him, then who?”

“Lennie!”

“My dear, you think that _Lennie_ represents the everyday man? “

“Hear me out!” Crowley was gesturing wildly now. “Think about it. He’s the everyday man _hyperbolized_. How many people are able to recognize their own destructive patterns? Almost none! It might not be as obvious as killing mice, but we each have our own things- like isolation, or self pity, or sabotaging relationships. The average person isn’t willing to acknowledge, or give up, those ruinous tendencies. In the end, that’s what keeps us from reaching whatever happiness we were trying to get! Also, Lennie ends up hurting everything he loves. Tell me that’s not relatable. “

“Maybe for some people more than others,” Ezra said slowly. He felt like he was beginning to see Crowley with a little more clarity. He continued writing. “You said earlier it depicted the predatory nature of human existence. How did it do that?” 

“Because everyone’s always zeroing in on everyone else’s weaknesses. They only feel strong when they tear others down. Whether it’s Curley threatening to have Crooks lynched, or Crooks bringing Lennie to tears. What’s insane is that the oppression isn’t just coming from some big, powerful person up top- it’s coming from these other people that are just trying to survive! They can’t be kind to each other for two seconds because they’d rather feel powerful or like they have some control.”

“Like real life.”

“Yes! Like real life “

He’d never seen Crowley speak with so much passion before. Ezra smiled, “I think you’ve just written your essay.”

“What?”

Ezra tore off three pieces of paper from the notepad he had been scribbling on. It was covered with Crowley’s rant as well as a few of Ezra’s own opinions. 

“That was extremely insightful. I’ve read the book three times and I had never considered Lennie to represent anything aside from the wise fool archetype. You were fantastic! You’ve certainly downplayed your intellect.” 

“Pffft, s’not that impressive.” His glowing red ears betrayed the nonchalance of his tone.

“Crowley, you correctly used the word hyperbolized and spoke the phrase ‘ruinous tendencies’. You can’t fool me, so take the compliment when I say that I’m impressed. Really, how are you not scoring better in your lessons?”

Crowley gave a defensive shrug. Ezra could tell he was considering whether or not to answer the question. “Uh, time. I guess. Just hard to put the time in for it with everything. Before it was spending time with some other friends, now I spend it here.”

“Is that so?” Ezra stared at him thoughtfully, “Maybe an hour of your time here could be spent working on your studies. I mean, this is a library after all. That’s the intended purpose.”

“But I’m not here to use it for the intended purpose. I’m here to pay the debt I owe society.” 

“What if...you were hosting a book club? Yes! If we talk about what you’re reading for school. Technically, you’d be putting on a community activity to benefit those around you.”

“And leave you to do all the work here in the meantime? No way.”

“It would just be an hour. I worked here long before you came along, I can manage.” Ezra cleared his throat. “As an employee of this community institution I hereby create a homework/book club led by Anthony Crowley for the betterment of Tadfield.” He stopped to give Crowley a megawatt smile. “In all seriousness, I would love to have more discussions with you. Have you read East of Eden?” 

Crowley shook his head no and Ezra gasped, “Oh! That’s what your next essay will have to be on. I can’t wait to get your take on it.” Ezra pulled more supplies out of his bag and handed them to Crowley, who appeared to be lost for words. “Take a moment to write the essay out in full. I’d be thrilled to proofread it for you, if you’d like.” 

“Ngk. Sure.” Crowley gave Ezra a small smile. It was nervous and self conscious, but Ezra was happy to accept it all the same.

\-------------------------------------------

It was Monday morning and Crowley was standing in the hallway talking. He was in no rush to get to his first period. He had never really excelled in school and a few minutes wouldn’t make a difference.

“So Crowley,” Bea started. “You free Friday night? Dagon’s officially 18 so we don’t need that fake ID you used anymore. We’re planning on getting pissed and taking some acid Ligur scored to celebrate.” 

“Can’t. Unlike you lot,” Crowley growled, “I have a job and community service to attend.” 

“Ditch it. We never see you anymore. You don’t even leave during lunch hour.”

“Because I can’t get all of my work done after school because I’m the one doing all 350 hours of fucking community service.” 

“Why put the work in? You’ll just scrape by with a D anyways. You always do. Speaking of your service, how's the sentence so far?” Bea asked, giving him a sharp smile. “Heard you got stuck with one of the Fells as a babysitter. What a shit deal.”

Crowley glared at them. “Maybe the sentence wouldn’t have been so long if ONE of you arseholes had been willing to testify on my behalf.” 

Hastur smirked. “No point in having all of us get punished. You’re supposed to be the tough one, right? You can handle putting up with a priggish git for a few months.” There was no point in correcting them about Ezra. He knew they’d only give him a hard time for it. It was probably true that Crowley was tougher than anyone in the group, with the exception of Bea, but that didn’t mean he should carry all the blame for their misadventures. Hastur clapped a hand on Crowley’s shoulder and said, “I’m sure it’ll be good for you anyways, being inspired by the light,” which caused everyone to start sniggering. 

“Speak of the saint,” Bea grinned. _No._ Ezra was walking down the hallway, his eyes glued to a book. He didn’t even notice when Dagon stuck her foot out beneath him. Ezra hit the ground hard and immediately started apologizing.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going.” He picked up his Jane Austin novel and smiled when he saw Crowley. _Please don’t say anything, please don’t say anything, please just walk away_. “Crowley,” Ezra said kindly, “I was hoping I could find you! It’s so lovely outside, I was wondering if you’d like to walk to the library with me today.” 

Dagon and Ligur were both smirking. Bea rolled their eyes and elbowed Crowley in the ribs. Crowley froze for a moment, deciding how to respond. “Ha! I’m sure you’d like that, wouldn't you?” he sneered. This led to more snickering. He heard a whispered ‘God he’s so pathetic’ behind his shoulder. 

Ezra’s face remained neutral, but hurt momentarily flickered in his radiant blue eyes. Crowley felt like he’d just kicked a puppy dog. “Ah yes, well I’m sorry to have distracted you from your friends. I’ll see you later, I suppose.” _yes, we’ll talk later. please, just keep walking._

Hastur snatched the novel out of Ezra’s hands before he could leave. “Oh God, he’s actually reading Sense and Sensibility for fun!” He laughed. “It’s bad enough Crowley has to deal with you after school.” He threw the book down the hallway. “So why don’t you go fetch.” Ezra made eye contact with Crowley, looking for some sort of response. Crowley adamantly avoided his gaze, feeling like he’d swallowed chalk. 

With his head held high, Ezra started to walk away. “Bye-bye, Virgin,” Hastur called after him. Ezra quickened his pace at the comment, but did not turn back.

Crowley’s stomach felt like it was full of lead. Ezra had shown him nothing but kindness. Ezra had listened to Crowley and encouraged him. Before even meeting him, Ezra was willing to rearrange his work schedule so Crowley could get his hours done. Crowley couldn’t even return the favor by acknowledging him in public. He really was a bastard. _Shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been awhile since I’ve read Of Mice and Men, so please go easy on me. As always, please feel free to leave comments! I love hearing from you guys.


	3. Priorities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in 24 hours? You better believe it!

Ezra waited until he had turned a corner before he broke into a sprint. He cursed himself. _You stupid, stupid boy._ He should have known better. How could he have _not_ known better? Crowley was serving the equivalent of a prison sentence at the library. Bringing him biscuits wasn’t going to change that. _He was tolerating you, everyone only tolerates you_ , a voice in his head whispered. But Crowley seemed to enjoy their conversations, and smiled at him, and was so grateful when he’d reviewed his essay, _because he was manipulating you_ the voice hissed. He swallowed thickly and wiped his eyes. He was grateful his tears had waited to fall until Crowley was out of view. He didn’t realize Anathema had approached him until he walked into her. 

She forcefully grabbed the sleeve of his oversized tartan jumper. “Come with me,” she said. 

“But I have to get to maths,” Ezra protested with a sniff.

“It can wait a few minutes.” She pulled him into the empty theater room. “I saw what happened. It was nice of you to volunteer with that Crowley kid, but you’re better than him.”

Ezra began shaking his head. “Yes you are,” she affirmed. “Why did you even talk to him? I’m not saying you shouldn’t be able to,” she clarified, “but what possessed you? The man is a prick.” 

Ezra recounted the past two weeks. “And I just thought that maybe, he, I don’t know. He looked at me like… and I thought maybe..” He was stammering. How did Crowley look at him? Affectionate wasn’t the right word, but it definitely wasn’t unfriendly. But that was when they had been alone. When others were there, Crowley couldn’t be bothered to look at him at all. 

Anathema grabbed the sides of Ezra's face, forcing eye contact. “Anthony Crowley doesn’t care about anything, or anyone. You can’t take it personally Ez. Tell me you won’t take this personally.” He nodded into her grip. He knew he shouldn’t, but it was hard not to. 

“Call into sick work today. Come have some coffee with me and Newt when classes get out.” It wasn’t an invitation, it was a demand. She was still holding his face and Ezra nodded into her hands again. 

\-------

Crowley could fix this. He’d talked himself out of much worse situations before. Ezra was nice and prone towards forgiveness anyways. He’d understand, right? It wasn’t as if Crowley wasn’t sorry. Yes, he should have handled things different. Still, Ezra was smart. He would know not to take it personally- right? 

Crowley was full of nervous energy when he arrived at the library. He came in ten minutes early and carried a Sansbury’s bag filled with chocolate muffins. Not a great peace offering, but it was the best he’d been able to think of while panicking through his lessons. To his surprise, Ezra was nowhere to be found. A folded white note was on the main table in the back room. It read:

**You’re on your own today. Ezra called out. Good luck. -Francis**

_Fuck_. This was ridiculous. Ezra loved his job. Was he really calling out to avoid Crowley? Had he hurt him that badly? His skin itched at the idea. He spent the next three hours working in complete silence. Crowley had always felt lonely, but it wasn’t an emotion he paid much attention to. The only time he was remotely happy growing up was when he found solitude away from his mother and her string of shitty boyfriends. He was used to isolation, but being alone here felt wrong. Maybe Ezra meant more to him than he realized. Was that possible after two weeks? He hadn’t realized the gnawing feeling of abandonment in his chest had started to subside over the last two weeks. He couldn’t handle the thought of it completely returning.

\-------

The following day at school, Crowley looked for Ezra during their lunch hour, but he only managed to find an aggravated Anathema. Most people were intimidated by Crowley, but he was sure Anathema could stare down the devil himself without blinking. 

She walked up and poked a finger hard into his chest. “I know you hang around with a dick crowd, but I never considered you a shitty person.”

“Thanks,” Crowley said flatly, still looking over the crowded tables for white blond curls. 

“Don’t you dare think that’s all I have to say to you.” Her eyes were blazing. “Ezra is the kindest person I’ve ever met and people sometimes take advantage of that,” she paused to poke a sharp finger into his sternum again, “the whole school saw what you did yesterday.”

“I wasn’t the one that really _did_ anything,” he protested weakly. 

“We both know that’s bullshit. Trust me when I say he’s dealing with enough as it is. If you plan on ignoring him here, don’t pretend to cozy up as his friend outside of school. If you think he’s good enough to help you with your homework, he’s good enough to make eye contact with during passing time.” 

“It’s not like that. I…”

“Shut it,” Anathema cut him off. “I don’t care what you’re telling yourself. If you make him cry again I will break your legs, got it?” 

Crowley had made the kindest person he’d ever met cry? _Shit._

“I get it, I fucked up.” He could feel bile rising in his throat. _I made Ezra cry._

She gave Crowley a curt nod of acknowledgement and went to move away. “Anathema,” he said quietly, “Thank you for looking out for him.”

She looked him up and down with nothing but contempt. “Someone has to.”

Crowley spent the rest of the lunch period in his car. He shut the door, put his head down, and burst into tears. He needed to re-evaluate his priorities. 

\-------

Crowley arrived at the library early again, this time holding two bags of chocolate muffins. To his relief and surprise, Ezra had already beaten him there. _He came back._ He didn’t turn around when Crowley entered the backroom. 

Crowley walked up to him slowly. “Hey Ezra, it’s good to see you today.”

“Do you need something?” he replied coldly.

“Nope, just saying hi.”

“Hello then,” Ezra said in a clipped tone. 

“Look,” Crowley scratched the back of his neck, “I’m sorry about...before. I was thinking... Maybe we could try to be friends or something.” _Or maybe more than that? I don’t know. Please._

Ezra eyed him skeptically. “Crowley, upon our first meeting you kindly reminded me that I do not have any friends, and I already told you that I was fine with that. I recognize that you are not here under your own volition and I have never been under the delusion that you wanted to volunteer. For a moment, I thought that maybe…” He paused and shook his head, “I just thought it would be worth trying to make this pleasant. That was my mistake. I won’t bother you anymore, so there’s no need to embarrass yourself by talking to me.”

Crowley felt like he had been punched in the gut. “It’s not that I’m embarrassed. It’s just my friends can be-” 

“Crowley, I already told you that I understand. Let’s please move on.”

The silence was heavy as they worked. Unbidden, Crowley’s mind kept drifting back to how warm Ezra’s hand had felt on the first day they worked together. He also thought about the pained expression in Ezra’s eyes when he had rejected him in front of their classmates. Crowley spun around to face Ezra and slapped his wide palms heavily against the table. “Just let me apologize!”

Ezra jumped at his unexpected outburst. “You have nothing to apolog-”

“Yes I do! I was a complete prat yesterday. Trust me when I say that I’m sorry.” 

Ezra laughed, “Trust you? Really, my dear. How do you expect me to do that? I mean, don’t take it personally; you’ve treated me as fairly as anyone else in the school. I’m not really in the business of trusting anyone.” Ezra stopped and stared at him critically. “Do you know Ashton Beckstrand? The tall blonde boy, on the cross country team?”

Crowley nodded. He’d seen him around before.

“Back in grade 7, before you moved here, he began spending time with me at school. Nothing big at first, just eating lunch. Eventually I went to his house a few times. He actually introduced me to some of his friends. I didn’t think they were too keen on me, but I didn’t care. I was just so excited to be a part of something.” He gave a deep exhale. “It was fine for a little while, but they approached me one day and said that if I really wanted to be a part of their group that I had to go through an initiation.” 

Crowley’s eyes grew wide as he realized where the story was going. “Oh Ezra, no…”

“Yes,” he said with a self deprecating chuckle, “They said it was a tradition of theirs to jump off the water tower and that if I really wanted to be their friend that I would dive off of it too.  
I was a fool. I bought it. We rode our bikes out and I was scared but I didn’t care. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had somewhere to go when classes were out. I pictured myself riding bikes with them and playing games during the summer, so I jumped.” 

Ezra looked away from him. “They didn’t even stay to see if I got hurt, which of course I did. I had to ride my bike with a broken arm back home so I could be taken to the A & E. Told my father I crashed into a lake.” His voice was steady, but Crowley could tell he was wiping his eyes. “Ashton tried talking to me when I came back to school. He said I shouldn’t take a harmless prank so seriously. I told him that if a prank is harmless it doesn't result in a spiral fracture. And that was it. None of them acknowledged me again. Thankfully they never told anyone about the debacle. It would have been quite embarrassing for me. They were probably scared they’d get in trouble.” Ezra turned to him with watery eyes. “So forgive me if I am not quick to trust people.”

“Names,” Crowley growled. He hadn’t realized he’d balled his hands into fists. 

“What?”

“What were the names of the other people that were there?” he said with barely contained rage.

“Priscilla Ward, Isaac Caldwell, and Kyle Tingey. I’m not angry with them anymore. Like I said, they’ve all left me alone since then and it was such a long time ago.”

Crowley felt sick. Was he really being grouped with those awful people in Ezra’s mind? He knew what he needed to do. “Well, I trust you.” Crowley let out a shaky breath and reached for his sunglasses. “And I’m going to show you something to prove it to you.” As he pulled his sunglasses off, he could hear Ezra give a slight gasp. His scar wasn’t as red and angry as it used to be, but it still earned him glances and questions. Neither of which Crowley felt like dealing with. 

“So now you know why I wear them.”

Ezra looked confused for a moment, “Oh, are they light sensitive?”

Crowley returned the confused expression, “Um, no? It’s to cover the scar.”

“Scar?”

Crowley pointed at the long mark that cut through part of his eyebrow and over the lid. 

“Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t see it at first.”

Crowley laughed, “Don’t pretend just to spare my feelings. I’m used to it.” It was impossible to overlook, even if it had faded slightly. 

“No, I really didn’t notice. I’m sorry, but your eyes are such a stunning color. I must admit, they had me a bit distracted.” 

Crowley’s cheeks felt hot. Was he blushing? “Ngk. I wouldn’t call hazel stunning.”

“You’re selling yourself short with hazel. Dear, they’re like liquid gold.” Crowley opened his mouth, but he had gone mute at the authentic praise. He chose to stare at Ezra, dumbly. 

“How did you get it? The scar, I mean. If you don’t mind me asking.”

Crowley was snapped out of his reverie and his expression became stony. “Remember how I talked about my mom before?”

Ezra tensed. “She hurt you?”

“I mean, she always treated me like shit, but she would rarely hit me.” He pointed at the scar again, “This was the last straw.” 

Ezra moved towards him instinctively and put a gentle hand on his face. He brushed his thumb over Crowley’s cheekbone where the scar ended. “You deserve so much better than what you’ve been given,” he whispered, almost to himself. Crowley felt a jolt of electricity at the touch and it took all of his self control not to lean into Ezra’s hand like a touch starved cat. _Oh_. Crowley thought. _**Oh.**_ This might be more than a crush. As Crowley reached this epiphany, Ezra seemed to realize what he was doing and pulled his hand away looking somewhat mortified. “Uh, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Crowley tried to sound casual, but failed miserably. “I’ve worked through most of my issues in therapy. I just don’t like being forced to talk about it with people, hence the glasses.” Ezra was looking away from him. “Now only Tracy, the courts, and you know about it.”

“My name isn’t really Ezra,” he suddenly blurted. 

“What?”

“Ezra is a nickname.”

“What could Ezra possibly be a nickname for?”

He gave a deep breath before replying, “Aziraphale.”

Crowley stared at him in shock. “Your name is Aziraphale Fell? You’re lying.”

Ezra gave a resigned sigh. “My parents named all of us after angels. I’m sure you can understand why I go by Ezra instead of my full name.”

“Why are you telling me this?” It was something he was obviously embarrassed about.

“I don’t know. You told me something personal, I felt that I should do the same.” 

“Thank you for trusting me, _Angel_.” Crowley wiggled his eyebrows.

“I knew I was going to regret that,” Aziraphale moaned. 

“Oh, Angel. Please know that I’m only saying it with the utmost respect and affection.” Crowley batted his now-exposed eyelashes innocently and Ezra laughed. For a moment, everything else disappeared. 

Crowley made a stop at the Beckstrand, Ward, Caldwell, and Tingey households on his way home that evening. He had a few tires he needed to slash. From now on, there would be at least two people that looked out for Ezra. 

\-------

Their library time had gone back to normal, mostly. Crowley could tell that Ezra was still somewhat guarded, but that was Crowley’s own fault. He realized it would still take time to earn his complete trust again, but he was willing to wait. If he moved too fast Ezra would undoubtedly think he was pulling some sort of hellish prank. 

-

The following week, Ezra was enjoying a homemade turkey sandwich on brioche bun in the lunchroom. Suddenly, a tray slapped down roughly next to him. He turned to see Crowley. 

Yes, Ezra had forgiven him, but he needed to be cautious. There was mutual trust, but Ezra’s walls had been easy to repair with refrains of _you’d like that wouldn’t you_ floating in his head.

“Hiya, Angel.” 

Ezra looked around the room. “You’re aware that people can see us, right?”

“Well, only the ones with eyes, Angel.” 

“Ha ha ha,” Ezra said, feeling somewhat nervous. “I’m sorry, but I’d hate to draw the attention of your _friends_.”

“Screw them, I couldn’t wait to show you THIS.”

Crowley was holding up a paper and Ezra took it from his hands. It was his report on Of Mice and Men. “Crowley, these are top marks! That’s amazing!”

“Couldn’t of done it without your help.”

“Don’t you dare give me any credit,” Ezra scolded. “You did everything on your own. Do you really not realize how clever you are?”

Crowley was willing his cheeks to cool when Anathema approached them. “Hey, is this guy bothering you?” she jabbed a thumb at Crowley. 

Ezra sighed, “No, I suppose he isn’t.” 

Crowley shot Anathema a withering glare while trying to ignore the happy wiggle he felt in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been cooped up at home for the last few days, so feel free to drop a line. I love your comments and I could probably use some human interaction.


	4. Dirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments and kudos. I appreciate your support!

Crowley and Ezra were enjoying cinnamon rolls that Ezra had baked for their book club. The meeting currently consisted of Crowley finishing his history homework while Ezra licked frosting off his own fingers. Crowley’s marks in school had drastically improved since the two had met. It helped that Ezra was a great sounding board for his thoughts. It also helped that Crowley desperately wanted to impress him. 

Crowley had surprised Ezra by continuing to eat lunch with him everyday. This was mostly due to the fact that Crowley enjoyed his company, but it didn’t hurt that the way Ezra ate was practically errotic. Ezra was musing on the causes of the Peloponnesian War when Crowley looked up from his paper. Mid Sentence, Ezra paused to suck icing off his fingers and moaned at the sugary taste. 

Crowley must have made a face because Ezra stopped and asked, “Are you alright?” 

“Yep. Mhm. Just fine.” If Ezra did notice him blushing, he was kind enough not to say anything. Crowley attempted to school his features. _Get a hold of yourself. You’re going to scare him off._

Ezra decided to change the subject. “I’m excited to meet Tracy.” 

“It’ll just be for a second, angel. She’s only dropping off the key so I can lock up the nursery.”

“Still, she seems very important to you. I want to make a good impression.” He unconsciously began to smooth imaginary wrinkles out of his jumper. 

“She’s the second kindest person I’ve ever met. You'll be fine.” Tracy knew that Ezra was responsible for Crowley's improved behavior and academics, so she already loved him regardless.

Ezra began asking, “Who’s the first-”, when the call of “Anthony!” rang through the air.

They both turned around towards the sound of a feminine voice. “You’ve got your glasses off!” Crowley had gotten into the habit of not wearing them at the library. It always seemed to make Ezra happy. Also, how could Crowley leave them on after that liquid gold comment?

“Oh! So you must be the young man Anthony’s been talking about,” she said while shaking hands with Ezra. 

“All good things I hope?” Ezra asked with a nervous laugh.

“Why young man, how could anyone say something bad about an _angel_ ?”

“Alright Tracy,” Crowley was speaking louder than he had intended to, “Enjoy your trip! See ya Monday!” 

“No parties while I’m gone. I mean it!”

“Ugh, that was one time!” Also, it had been weeks since he’d hung out with the people who pressured him into throwing parties. 

Before leaving, she stopped to squeeze Crowley’s shoulder. “Stay safe, Love.” She turned to look at Ezra. “Anthony, maybe if you’re lucky this fine boy will keep you company while I’m gone.” She winked and left. 

A few moments passed before Crowley cleared his throat. “So, would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Want to keep me company?” The following silence was deafening. Crowley persisted, “At the shop tomorrow, I mean. I’ll be alone and I can only spend so much time talking to the plants.”

“You want me to visit?”

“If you want to visit, and if you’re free. I understand if you’re busy taking your girlfriend out.”

“You know I don’t have a girlfriend,” Ezra huffed. “Is there access to the internet?”

“How else would I survive working there?’

Ezra spoke hesitantly, “Maybe I’ll stop by.”

“Ok, give me your number then.”

“My cellphone number?”

“No your credit card number.” When Ezra didn’t laugh Crowley repeated, “Just a joke angel, yes your phone number. In case, I don’t know, something happens before then. If the shop catches on fire and I need to cancel.”

“Mhhmmm. Yes, we should _definitely_ exchange numbers in case that highly likely scenario happens.”

“Bastard,'' he whispered. “Well, maybe I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Maybe,” Ezra’s tongue swiped against his bottom lip for another bit of frosting. Crowley almost fainted.

\------------

He’s not coming. Crowley’s skin itched. Why would he? He probably secretly hated Crowley and was just too nice to say anything. Crowley was too busy keeping everyone at arm's length to be liked. He lit up a cigarette to calm his nerves. He was in the green house, so the smell wouldn’t linger. He felt his phone vibrate.

**Angel: How do you like your tea?**

Crowley’s face split into a grin, which he quickly tried to suppress.

**i like it as coffee**

**Angel: Horrid man.**

Ezra arrived a few minutes later with two to-go cups and a croissant for himself. 

“You smoke?” He questioned, sounding somewhat disappointed.

“You haven’t smelled it on my clothes before?” 

Ezra leaned in close to his chest and sniffed. _Oh fuck._ “I guess so. Can’t say I’m a fan.” 

Something in him withered. He shook it off. There was no point in discussing his many uncomely vices today. “Looks like you brought some homework with you?”

“Oh yes! I’m filling out some university applications. I haven’t asked, where do you plan on applying?” 

“Pfffft, do I look the type of person who would go to uni?”

“Of course you do.” 

Oh, Ezra had to stop doing that. The positive reinforcement was becoming too much. “Uh, well, it’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?” _Right now? You._ “For your future,” Ezra added helpfully.

Crowley debated how honest he should be. “If you tell anyone, I’ll have to kill you”

Ezra made an ‘x’ over his heart. “I promise your secret is safe with me.”

“A florist.” He waited for Ezra’s laugh, but it never came.

“Really?” He seemed skeptical for a moment. He soon realized that Crowley looked too embarrassed to be having him on. “That’s excellent! Especially if you could take bouquets home with you. Can you imagine being surrounded by flowers all the time? Oh! You could make arrangements for my bookshop! That’s my plan for the future.” Ezra looked lost in thought for a moment. “You must love working here, around all the plants.” 

And just like that, his infatuation with Ezra grew a little deeper. “Yeah, that’s what made me realize I wanted it.”

Crowley spent the day hefting around bags of dirt, watering flora, and dealing with idiotic customers. Occasionally, he would chat idly with Ezra who typed happily on his computer.

The nursery closed at 5pm on Saturdays and he locked the doors. “Let me take you out to dinner.” Ezra’s head snapped up from the book he was reading. “As a thank you,” Crowley added hastily, “for keeping me company today. Also, we’ve been working together for two months now. This could be like an anniversary celebration.” Ezra’s eyes went wide, and Crowley realized what that sounded like. “Of our friendship. An anniversary of our friendship.”

“You consider us friends?”

“Don’t you?”

“Yes, I suppose I do,” he smiled. “I just wasn’t sure you felt the same way. Dinner sounds lovely, as long as we don’t stay out too late. Don’t need my father asking questions pertaining to my whereabouts.”

“Glad we’re on the same page,” Crowley nodded. “I’m all sweaty from working, so I’ll want to shower first. C’mon, my flat is upstairs.”

\------------

“Just you and me?” Ezra squeaked. 

“Benefit of not having parents. I get all the peace and privacy I want.”

Peace and privacy. That would be nice. “I wish I could get away from people sometimes. I imagine it’s nice to have a place of your own.” 

“It is, and you’re welcome here whenever you need a break from people. I’ll even leave if you like. Now make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out in a few minutes.“

So there Ezra was, in Crowley’s flat. In Crowley’s flat where Crowley was naked in the shower only a few feet away. He pressed his palms against his eyes in an attempt to clear his thoughts. He was only knocked out of his graphic musings when something heavy fell on his shoulder. He began screaming, which prompted Crowley to run out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel on. 

“Ha! I see you’ve met Asmodeus.”

Ezra audibly gulped and attempted coherent speech, “Asmodeus?” 

Crowley had crouched towards the ground and was scratching the chin of a short-haired, black cat. “He was a stray that hung around the shop. I started feeding him and he followed me back up here. He tends to come and go and he pleases. Should probably feed him before we head out.”

Ezra was trying very hard to pay attention to what Crowley was saying, but he was a bit distracted at the moment. Crowley’s red, wet hair was plastered to his forehead and he had a noticeable trail of ginger hair that ran down from his navel and underneath his small towel. Oh, Ezra needed to cool it. _You just barely became friends. Don’t ruin this already_. He definitely did not like Crowley _that_ way. He did not. He could not. Nope, nada, no way. This had become Ezra’s mantra in previous weeks. He had to keep repeating it at increasing frequencies. 

Before leaving for dinner, Crowley threw on a black henley and sinfully tight jeans. Crowley drove them to a small Italian bistro neither of them had been to. When they arrived, he pulled Ezra’s chair out for him to sit. That was a thing platonic friends did, right? Ezra didn’t really have a frame of reference, so he assumed it must be. Their conversation was wonderful, as always. 

“I’m hoping I get accepted to a university in London. I would love to live there someday.”

“Really? Don’t feel like staying in Tadfield forever?”

“Heavens, no. I’m sure my family would like that. They have many… expectations for me. My father would have a conniption if he knew I wanted to leave here for a den of iniquity.” Ezra sipped his water. “My family members tend to dislike people who are different from them.” 

“I think London is a great city. I lived there before here, you know. I miss how busy everything was. Things were open all hours of the night, so there was always something to do. Even if it’s just strolling through Saint James’s Park. Of course, I was poor as shit and living in the slums. I’m surprised you’ve been able to deal with a white trash, bastard child like me for so long.”

Ezra put his utensils down. “Why do you do that?”

“What?” 

“Talk down about yourself. I don’t like it.” 

“Just bein’ honest, angel.”

“No you’re not. You don’t have to do that in front of me, Crowley. I know you want to seem aloof and callous, but you don’t have to pretend. I see you,” Ezra reached his hand across the table and set it on Crowley’s, “and I think you are wonderful”. 

For a second, it sounded like Crowley’s breath hitched. “It’s only because you bring out the best in me.” Crowley squeezed his hand, which caused Ezra to pull his away quickly, like he’d been burned. He opted for straightening his napkin instead as he felt a flush creep up his body. 

This became a weekly tradition. Even when Tracy returned, Ezra continued to visit the shop on Saturdays. Ezra would bring Crowley a coffee and pick up a croissant for himself. Afterwards, Crowley would take him somewhere for dinner as a thank you for his company. 

\------------

Crowley began spending almost all of his free time with Ezra, and it was becoming apparent that he had _definitely_ outgrown the term ‘crush’. How could he not after spending everyday with him? With the exception of Sundays, obviously. Ezra had invited him to church, but there was no way he’d sit through one of his homophobic father’s ranty sermons about sin in the modern world. Crowley felt a pang in his chest. Poor Ezra. He was gay, right? It was wrong to assume, but Ezra had probably been called more homophobic slurs growing up than Crowley (who was very out) had. Of course, it helped that everyone was very terrified of Crowley. 

Ezra had never expressed interest in anyone before. Maybe he was aromantic? Crowley began to panic. He should have learned Ezra’s preferences before falling this hard. He had no control over his feelings for Ezra and it terrified him. Sure, Crowley had fucked before, but he had never been in a relationship with anyone he cared about. He cared about Ezra in a way that made his skin tingle. Should he ask Ezra’s orientation? Would that be rude? Would his motive be too obvious? If he was going to ask Ezra out, he wanted to be prepared for rejection. Maybe he just shouldn’t ask him out at all. What if he ruined the only good thing in his life? 

His internal debate continued as he walked into the lunch room. He frowned. The table he usually sat at with Ezra, Newt, and Anathema was empty. He checked his phone.

**1 Unread Message From: Angel**

He opened it.

**Angel: I am in the theater room. Anathema and some other students need to practice for a musical they are putting on after school. One person isn’t here, so they asked if I could fill in. You are welcome to join.**

He’d never heard Ezra sing before. It could be fun. Crowley had no way to prepare for what he saw next. As he opened the door, he could hear a male voice.

 _”I’ve tasted blood and I want more.”_

He recognized the song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, though it had been some time since he’d last seen it. He stood in shock when he realized it was Ezra singing. Ezra was on stage, surrounded by 10 dancing students.

 _”I’ve got an itch to scratch, I need assistance.”_

His hands moved up and down his body while he sang. **Fuck**.

_”I wanna be dirty.”_

Was he dreaming? Crowley had had dreams fairly similar to this before. He sat down in a chair near the back of the room and draped his leather jacket across his lap to cover the growing tightness of his pants. He knew why Anathema had asked Ezra to sing, his voice was amazing.

 _”Fulfill me, creature of the niiiiiight”_.

Ezra was laughing as other students moved around him. Crowley enjoyed watching him have fun, until a handsome brunette (probably Rocky) put his hands on Ezra’s hips and leaned to whisper in his ear. Ezra giggled and murmured something back. 

Nope. That was it. Crowley’s decision was made for him. He needed to make some type of move.

For the moment, that consisted of giving the brunette perpetrator a mortifying glare. He even pulled down his glasses to bare his horrific scar. The boy quickly let go of Ezra and took a few steps back. Good. 

Ezra smiled when he noticed Crowley. He gestured for him to join everyone on stage. “No, I think I’ll just sit for a moment.” The last thing he needed was for everyone to see him hard in his trousers over a song number, regardless of how salacious it was.

\---

Crowley and Ezra were in the routine of driving to the library together. Crowley usually waited in his car for Ezra to put his books away, or talk to his teachers. Crowley was practically vibrating with excitement. He couldn’t wait to ask Ezra about his singing. For instance, why hadn't he been in a show before? Crowley already knew the answer, of course. Ezra had been belittled into having low self esteem over the years- which Crowley was determined to help fix. 

He looked at his dashboard clock. Ezra was running late. Maybe some of the theater students wanted another round of rehearsals and had asked him to stay. If that was the case, Ezra probably would have texted him. The mere possibility of watching Ezra sing and dance again had Crowley leaping out of the car to find out. 

Crowley casually sauntered down the hallway, which was becoming more crowded. On his right, he noticed a small circle of students had formed. In his experience, that was never a good thing. Crowley could feel his blood blister in his veins when he saw what they had congregated around. Ezra was pushed against a locker, his book was on the ground and his nose was lightly bleeding. He had been cornered by a larger student who was speaking loud enough for everyone to hear. Bullies always want an audience. It made them feel powerful. 

“Watch where you’re going next time fag, especially when your boyfriend isn’t here to save you”. 

Ezra began spluttering when Crowley stepped forward. He let his combat boots hit the ground heavily as he walked. “He isn’t?’ 

The boy turned to show his terrified face at the sound of Crowley’s voice. At that moment, Crowley lifted his victim off the ground by his shirt and roughly slammed him against the locker, sending vibrations through the metal. He moved to push his forearm across the boy’s throat. “I’m always here to save him.” He looked around at the other students who had congregated to watch. “All of you remember that.” He removed his arm from his neck and dropped the boy, who fell to his knees. “Apologize to him.”

“I’m sorry,” the boy choked out before running away. 

Crowley picked up the book, grabbed Ezra by the hand, and pulled him away. The two walked in total silence. The only thing Crowley could hear was the pounding of his angry heart in his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Ezra whispered in a small voice. 

“Don’t be. It felt good putting that prick in his place. But honestly, you really should stop reading in the hallways.”

“No,” Ezra averted his eyes, “ I’m sorry that he called you my boyfriend. That must have been embarrassing for you.”

“S’fine. I don’t mind.” Crowley winked and Ezra had too much adrenaline to unpack what that could possibly imply.


	5. Celebrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ezra felt as though he had undergone emotional whiplash. Only a few months ago, Crowley had no idea who he was. When they had officially met, Crowley publicly disliked him. Over time they had become friends, and now he ‘was always there to save him’? The whole thing had his head spinning, as well as his poor, confused heart. Could Crowley possibly like him _that_ way? The idea seemed ludicrous.

Ezra was frumpy and bookish, and Crowley was achingly handsome. Crowley was also independent, funny, strong, kind, witty, and out of Ezra’s league in every possible way. Crowley could do better, but he had said he didn’t _mind_ being called Ezra’s boyfriend. Did that mean he _wanted_ to be? 

Of course, Ezra would need to come out to his family before having a boyfriend, the idea of which was mortifying. He had decided to wait until college to be his _full_ self, away from the judging eyes of his family. Dating Crowley would definitely speed up that timeline. Ezra was determined he wouldn’t breathe a word of his sexuality until there was actually something to tell, and there was no use in coming out now if Crowley wasn’t actually interested in him. Which he probably wasn’t. Probably. Honestly, Ezra was working himself up for nothing. 

Ezra knew that his mother, with her compassionate heart, would have been accepting of him. His chest ached just thinking about her and how tender she had always been towards him. He wrapped himself in a memory of her warm embrace and loving words. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad if he could remind the others of how she would have wanted them to act.

In the end, it didn’t matter if Crowley liked him. Ezra would always care about Crowley and would continue treating him the same way- with kindness, love, and respect. Still, he hoped that Crowley didn’t find a boyfriend. He didn’t think his own heart could take it. 

\------------------

Crowley had made his decision. He was going to ask Ezra on an official date, after he’d finished his community service hours. This way, if Ezra did reject him, he wouldn’t be forced to see him everyday. Crowley could handle some pining for now. Yes, seeing Sam Anderson touch Ezra’s hips had almost removed his soul from his body, but hopefully Crowley had scared Sam away for the time being.

It was March 21st. Crowley started his day normally. He made himself a strong cup of coffee, showered, and got ready for school. He attended his lessons and ate lunch with Ezra, Newt, and Anathema (who thankfully had warmed up to him). Instead of waiting for Ezra in his car, they had started walking to the car park together. 

Crowley noticed that Ezra had seemed unusually distracted all day. Rather than put his keys in the ignition, Crowley set them on his lap. “What’s wrong.” 

“Why would you assume something is wrong?”

“I dunno. You haven’t been talking, you barely ate your lunch today, you’ve seemed off in your own world, and you’ve been looking at me all funny. Take your pick.”

“I guess I am rather bad at keeping secrets, aren’t I?” Secrets? What could Ezra possibly be hiding? They told each other almost everything. “Yes, I’m not nearly as good as you are.”

“What secret am I keeping?” Ezra eyed him knowingly. _Ah_. “Did Tracy tell you?”

“Yes, two weeks ago. I kept waiting for you to say something. Why didn’t you tell me that today is your birthday?”

“S’not a big deal. Never has been.” 

“Never?”

Crowley looked away and tried to sound casual. “Didn’t celebrate it growing up. My mom tried when I was younger, but there was never any money for presents. The older I got, the less she cared. Figured I shouldn’t care either.”

“Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear that,” Ezra said in a sympathetic tone. He set his hand on Crowley’s wrist, setting his arm ablaze. “Well I do care.” Ezra looked like he was about to burst with excitement. “That’s why we’re not going to the library today.”

“You’re sloughing work?” Crowley eyed him skeptically. “Be serious.”

“Francis will never notice we’re gone. I doubt you even know what she looks like.” Ezra had, of course, asked Francis for permission to take the night off. He just knew it would make everything more fun for Crowley if he thought they were skiving off. 

“I’ll only agree to whatever you’ve cooked up under one condition,” Crowley said decisively, “tomorrow, we get to celebrate how I’d like to.”

“And what way is that?”

“You’ll come over to my flat and we’ll finally watch IT parts 1 and 2.”

“Isn’t it enough that I read the book for you?” Ezra moaned, “I haven’t slept properly in weeks!”

“That’s my condition, angel. Take it or leave it”  
.  
“Fine.”

“Fine?” That was easier than expected. Ezra hated horror movies. He was the jumpiest person Crowley knew; the man could be startled by a butterfly. 

“Do you have any idea how much planning this took? I’m not letting you spoil things with some silly condition.”

“Right. So if we aren’t going to the library, where are we going?”

Ezra smiled at him. “What fun would it be if I told you?” 

\------------------

“I can’t believe you won’t let me drive.” Ezra was pouting in the passenger’s seat. 

“My car might be shite, but it’s my shite. You can hardly ride your bike in a straight line.”

“But this is going to ruin the surprise! I can’t blindfold you if you’re driving.”

“Just tell me where to turn next.” Soon, Crowley had pulled up outside a house with a white picket fence and a large tree in the front yard. “Your house? Angel, please tell me my gift isn’t meeting your family.”

“Lord, no! Actually, pull down a few houses. I don’t want them to see your car. Michael might recognize it.” Ezra noticed an emotion he couldn’t quite place crossed Crowley’s face, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. “Now pop open the boot for when I return.” Crowley obliged. “Promise you’ll cover your eyes until I tell you to open them.” 

“Seriously?” Crowley complained, but complied anyways. 

About ten minutes had passed when Crowley heard a loud _clunk_ coming from the back of his car. “Oi! You better not be breaking anything!” The _clunk_ was followed by a _slam_ , indicating the trunk had been closed.

Ezra slid back into the car. “You can uncover your eyes. Now, let’s get a wiggle on!”

\------------------

They’d been driving for over half an hour and the scenery was becoming more and more rural. Eventually, they stopped seeing buildings all together. 

“Are you taking me out here to murder me?”

“Ha ha. We’re only a few minutes away now.” They drove a handful of kilometers, then Ezra pointed off to the side of the road. “There, pull over there.”

Crowley dutifully pulled over and parked the car. They had stopped near a small picnic table near an expansive field. There was probably a walking trail nearby, but it had likely been forgotten years ago. 

“Now, sit in the car with your eyes closed.”

“Again? You can’t be serious.”

“Please? You can play one of your bebop CD’s while you wait.”

Crowley was already closing his eyes and gave a frustrated groan. “Angel, you have to stop calling everything that’s not classical music bebop.”

“Yes, yes, whatever you say.” Ezra left and began doing something. Crowley remained seated with his palms over his eyes, indulging Ezra’s ridiculousness. He opend them when he heard Ezra chirp, “Ready!”

Crowley stepped out onto the dirt and walked around the car. Ezra was sitting on a tartan picnic blanket with a wicker basket. He could see that a bottle of wine had been placed inside of it. Ezra was surrounded by different foods, all of which looked homemade. The whole thing was the definition of picturesque. How long had it taken him to make everything? Probably far longer than Crowley deserved.

Crowley had exchanged plants with Tracy during the holidays, but that was the extent of the gifts he’d received in his life. No one had put much effort into giving him anything. He felt that he should say something, but knew his tone would betray the cacophony of emotions swirling inside his chest. _He’s an angel. This man is an angel._

Ezra stood up and ushered him towards the picnic blanket. “I hope you’re hungry! Let me show you what we have.” He started explaining the dishes he’d prepared. Shepherd's pie, homemade chips, a small cake. “I also baked some blueberry scones as an extra treat.” 

“They’re the first things you ever made for me.” He replied without thinking.

“Yes! I’m surprised you remember that,” Ezra beamed. Crowley knew he would never forget that encounter. It had been such a touching gesture. That’s when he first knew then that Ezra was different, that Ezra was something special. 

“Well, I always did like a good scone.” He tried to play the memory off casually, as if he didn’t think of it to warm himself whenever he felt alone. 

Ezra had a mischievous glint in his eye. “I also brought some wine to celebrate being 18. I was able to purchase it since my birthday was months ago, but I haven’t really drank much. You’ll only have a glass since you _insist_ on driving. I thought it would be a fun way to celebrate such a milestone birthday.” 

Crowley laughed. “I’ve drunk before angel, probably a lot more than I should have. It’s not that big a deal.”

“But now it’s legal! So it still feels like it should be a big deal,” Ezra said while pouring him a large amount into a paper cup. The wine was cheap and sweet. Crowley idly wondered what it would taste like on Ezra’s lips.

Everything was delicious, obviously. Ezra had always been an excellent cook. They ate and drank until the sun began to set, painting the sky a vibrant pink and orange. Crowley inhaled a deep breath of clean country air. He felt full. Not just in his stomach, but all of him felt truly full. He basked in the sensation like a snake on a warm rock. 

He turned to look at Ezra, who was sitting next to him. He was practically glowing in the twilight. “It’s starting to get dark. Should we begin heading back?” Crowley hated himself for asking. He wasn’t ready for the evening to end yet. 

“No, give me your keys. I have one more thing to get out of the trunk.”

“More food?”

Ezra tutted, “I don’t think it’s possible for me to eat another bite. I need to get out your birthday gift.” 

“Angel, this was more than enough. Really, this is the best birthday I’ve had,” he answered honestly. Crowley wasn’t sure he could take much more attention. He was worried another kind gesture might cause his heart to explode.

“Yes, but it sounds like the bar had been set rather low, so give them over.” Crowley handed him the keys. 

When Ezra returned Crowley gasped. He was carrying a telescope. A _nice_ telescope. Crowley was about to protest, when Ezra held up a finger. “Before you say anything, I bought it second hand at a very reasonable price. You always talk about how you love the stars,” he gestured at the sky which was now glittering from lack of light pollution, “This will help you see them when we’re back in the city. I was thinking you could try it out here and maybe, I don’t know,” Ezra scratched the back of his neck nervously, “we could also, uh, lie out and look at them together.” Ezra’s ears were turning pink. “You could point out some constellations to me.” 

Crowley could feel a fluttering in his stomach. This seemed awfully romantic...was that intentional? Judging by Ezra’s blush, Crowley would wager yes. _Holy shit_. “Ngk. Uh, yeah. Sounds good.” Crowley stood and adjusted the telescope, but he was very distracted by the gorgeous blonde sitting patiently on the ground near him. 

Crowley went to the library a lot as a kid. He first fell in love with space while flipping through a science book. He had gone through a phase where he wanted to be an astronomer, until he realized how much math was involved. After that, decided to love the sky as a hobby instead. The stars had been practically invisible in London, but a decent amount could be seen in Tadfield. Still, both paled in comparison to where he was now. Ezra had picked a truly breathtaking spot. After spending the better part of an hour playing with his new toy, Crowley decided to lie on the blanket with Ezra and point at the sky. 

“And that’s Libra. It’s a set of weighing scales held by the goddess of justice. That’s your birth sign. It’s why Anathema says you’re so tactful.” 

They were both on their backs and facing the night sky. Ezra scooted his body closer to Crowley’s to get a better idea of where he was pointing. The length of their arms were touching and Ezra felt especially warm in the cool night air. Maybe Crowley shouldn’t wait until his service had finished. Could there be a more romantic time for a first kiss? 

Ezra’s hand was centimeters away from his own. He tried to rally some courage. Their hands had touched before, but it had always been as a comforting gesture and it had always been initiated by Ezra. Crowley could feel that his heart was beating erratically, like it was trying to escape from his chest. His long fingers tentatively reached out to tangle with Ezra’s. Their fingers laced together and Crowley stopped breathing. _Please don’t pull away_. Ezra’s thumb ran in a smooth, gentle circle over Crowley’s knuckle, letting him know that the touch was welcome. Crowley’s entire body felt like a live wire. Neither man looked at the other. Neither spoke. Their eyes and faces were fixed upwards at the stars. 

“Why did you do all of this?” Crowley asked.

“What do you mean?”

“This must have taken a lot of time and energy to plan out. Why go through all the effort?”

Out of his periphery he could tell that Ezra had turned to stare at him. Crowley kept his face pointing forwards, afraid to look at him fully. 

“Because I’ve never met anyone like you before, Crowley.” 

Crowley made a dismissive noise. “I feel like I should be saying that about you.” This prompted Ezra to laugh.

“Darling, I think there’s a picture of me next to the word ‘plain’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.” _Darling_.

“No really,” Crowley persisted, feeling emboldened by the term of endearment. _Darling_.

“Ezra, I’ve never met someone who is as kind and thoughtful as you are. I mean, you don’t belittle me, you’ve never once tried to make me feel small, or done anything to hurt me. You’re the first person I’ve met that’s encouraged me to go to uni.” He knew that he was sharing too much, but he couldn’t stop. “And I actually feel good for probably the first time in my life! I was just surviving before. Now.. now I feel… like there’s something more to it all. That’s because of you Ezra. You’re the least plain person I’ve ever met.” He finally mustered the bravery to face Ezra, who was staring at him. He was flushed and his blue eyes were wide. Ezra opened his mouth to say something when his wrist started to make a beeping noise. Crowley realized an alarm was going off on his watch. He pulled his hand away to turn off the sound and Crowley mourned the loss of his touch. The spell was broken. 

Ezra sat up quickly. “Oh! We have to start packing up. I need to be home before the end of the hour. I’ll be grounded if I’m late, and then we wouldn’t be able to celebrate the way you’d like tomorrow!” 

A million scenarios flashed before Crowley’s eyes. Anything he could possibly think to do would pale in comparison to where he was now. He could be drinking champagne on the moon with bloody Freddy Mercury and it still wouldn’t hold a candle to the moment they were sharing. Still, Ezra seemed nervous about being late, so Crowley began putting things away. There was still tomorrow. 

The car ride back to Tadfield was quiet. Ezra’s hands were folded on his lap. Crowley debated reaching out to take one, but ultimately decided against it. Some of his courage had worn off and he didn't want to push his luck. 

He stopped a few doors down from the Fell household and Ezra hopped out of the car. “I look forward to seeing you tomorrow,” he grinned. 

“Me too.” Crowley had decided that tomorrow was going to be a very important day. “I was thinking you could come by my flat around noon? I’m sure Tracy would give me the day off if she knew a literal angel was visiting for my birthday.”

Ezra giggled, “Noon works fine for me.”

“Excellent, it’s a date.” Crowley really hoped it was.


	6. That Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Shorter chapter today, but the next one will come soon. Homophobia mentioned at the beginning of the chapter.

Ezra’s entire body was on fire. He felt like he was walking on air as he waltzed through the front door to his house. The hand that had held Crowley’s earlier in the evening was still tingling. He closed his eyes to try and relive the moment. Unfortunately, Ezra’s illusion was broken as he began ascending the stairs to his bedroom. 

“How was your date?” his father called out. 

“Uh, good,” Ezra replied with a tight lipped smile.

“Glad to hear it. She’s a lucky girl. You should have her by the house sometime.” His father had started asking questions when he saw Ezra packing the picnic basket. He assumed it was something romantic and had seemed so proud when he thought Ezra was taking a girl out. When was the last time his father had actually been proud of him? 

Ezra was too scared to correct him. What was he supposed to say? _No father, I am taking out Anthony J. Crowley, the known homosexual for an intimate picnic under the stars. I’m not sure how he feels about me, but I am crazy about him because I am also a homosexual._

“Um, yes. I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” Ezra felt guilt pooling in his gut, he didn’t want to lie to his father, but he wasn’t ready to be honest just yet. After the hand holding and Crowley’s speech of how special he was, Ezra was more certain that Crowley was interested in him. Ezra gave a deep shuddering breath. He didn’t want a secret relationship. Crowley deserved more than that. His feelings for Crowley ran deep and he wanted to commit to more than a snog, though the thought of snogging made his stomach do a backflip. 

Ezra sat down at his desk and began brainstorming what he could say to his family. He stared at a blank page for what felt like hours. He needed more time to think. Just a few more days to steel up his courage. Crowley would hopefully understand if he needed to go a bit slower, assuming he really did want Ezra too.

If Crowley asked him on a date, he would just have to let him know that he wasn't out to his family yet. Ezra felt embarrassed. His biggest fear was his father evicting him. Unlike Ezra, Crowley was out and had willingly left home. Crowley was independent and knew who he was; why was Ezra so weak in comparison? Would Crowley think less of him? 

He flopped onto his bed and tried to push aside his anxieties. Regardless, he was excited for the second day of birthday celebrations tomorrow. He stared at his left hand and pictured it intertwined with Crowley’s slender fingers. Everything else melted away. 

\----------------------------------------

Crowley’s heart was soaring, but he still felt a nagging in his chest. Why drop him off a few houses down? Why was Ezra worried Michael would recognize him? Did his family not know they’d become friends? Was he embarrassed that Crowley came from a different background? He chewed on his lip, he was probably just reading too much into his own insecurities. He decided to waive those thoughts away for the time being. Crowley had called it a date and Ezra hadn’t corrected him! There was no point dwelling on negative feelings. Also, he had an apartment he needed to deep clean. 

-

At exactly 11:59 am on Saturday Crowley heard a knock on his door. 

“Angel, you’re right on time.” Crowley gave his most charming smile as Ezra entered his flat. Crowley had decided to wear his tightest jeans and a snug, low-cut black shirt that showed off his tattoo. He was trying to play to his strengths and, judging by the blush that crept Ezra’s cheeks, he had done a good job. 

“It’d be rude to arrive late, especially for more birthday festivities.” Ezra stood awkwardly in front of him for a moment, then decided to embrace Crowley in a short hug. He had a paper grocery bag in his hands.

“Please tell me that’s not another gift.”

“No, no. It’s just microwave popcorn for us and cat treats for Asmodeus. I wasn’t sure if he’d be gracing us with his presence today, or if he’s too much of a scaredy cat.”

Crowley let out a snort at the awful joke and Ezra seemed pleased. “If you’re too scared for the movie, I have others we could watch. Doesn’t have to be horror.”

“I am perfectly capable of handling the video. I highly doubt it could be scarier than the book. I’ll simply cover my eyes if things become too spooky for me.”

“Opposite problem here. Big spooky fan, me.” Ezra rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch, while Crowley bent down to put in the DVD. He turned around and hesitated. How close should he sit next to Ezra? He didn’t want to seem too forward, but there was no way he was missing the opportunity to be huddled next to after a jump scare. He ultimately decided a few inches of space would be appropriate. 

The title sequence began and he was soon faced with another dilemma, should he initiate physical contact? Crowley waited a few minutes then pretended to stretch, letting his arms hover in the air, but he chickened out before wrapping one around Ezra’s shoulders. _Coward._

Ezra seemed not to notice. His hands were clasped on his lap in fear, though it was obvious he was trying very hard to appear casual. Ezra looked miserable and Crowley wished he had picked a different movie, until the first jump scare. Ezra gave a yelp and dove against Crowley’s shoulder, giving Crowley the opportunity to wrap an arm around him. He patted Ezra’s back reassuringly. “Don’t worry, angel. No clowns in here,” He teased. 

Crowley risked a glance down at him. Ezra was literally peaking at the screen between his fingers, and Crowley had never felt the urge to protect something so strongly in his entire life. His arm tightened around him instinctively. He leaned in and let his cheek rest against the top of Ezra’s head. His hair felt like a cloud and he inhaled the sweet scent of coconut shampoo. _Happy birthday to me._

Ezra stayed surprisingly close to him during the duration of the film. Every time something startled him, Ezra would gasp and clasp Crowley’s arm. This went on for a blissful two hours and fifteen minutes. Crowley’s traitorous mind pictured what it would be like to wake up with Ezra nestled against him like this. Not clinging to him out of fear, but holding onto him for affection. The thought made his chest feel warm. 

All too soon, the credits began to roll. Ezra seemed somewhat embarrassed as he pulled himself away from Crowley. He cleared his throat, “That was a bit more intense than I thought it would be. I apologize for my, uh, visceral reactions.” Ezra rubbed a fingertip against Crowley’s arm. Crescent moon marks from his nails were visible. “I must have grabbed you tighter than I thought. I’m sorry if that hurt.”

Crowley wished it had hurt more, then maybe he’d have a bruise to remember the moment. “Nah, didn’t hurt. At least, no more than the tattoo did.” 

“When did you get it? The tattoo, I mean. I remember you having it the first day you started at Tadfield.”

“Day after I was emancipated. Felt cathartic. Snakes are a symbol of transformation and healing, and I also thought it looked cool.” He turned to Ezra and cocked his head, “You remember my first day?”

“Of course, dear. We had world history together.”

“We did?”

“Yes,” Ezra chuckled, “I’m a bit easier to ignore than you. I was going to talk to you and welcome you to the town, but I was terribly nervous. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” 

“I wish you had. My aesthetic was too much for you?”

“Maybe a bit,” Ezra laughed, “Mostly you were just so handsome. I was scared I’d embarrass myself.” Ezra suddenly stood up, his cheeks were redder than a tomato. “Uh, maybe I should make some popcorn before you put in the next disc? I just need a break before we begin chapter two. Give my heart some time to settle.”

“Sure. A snack sounds good.” Crowley got up to turn on the lights. “Wasn’t expecting you to find it so scary.”

“You can’t be that surprised, it is a horror film. 

“Would some music help you calm down? Maybe I could put on some Mozart, or maybe the Rocky Horror Picture Show? You seem to live at the extremes.”

“Ha ha. I’ll have you know, I listen to popular culture music as well.”

“Calling it ‘popular culture’ proves that you don’t, really.”

“Give me your phone. I’ll show you.” Crowley handed it over. This was bound to be amusing. Ezra typed something into his spotify app and music began playing through his bluetooth speaker. 

Crowley heard a familiar tune begin. “Angel, **no.** ”

“What? It made it to the top of the charts.”

“Yeah, twenty years ago!”

The lyrics started.

_You are, my fire. The one, desire._

“I’m sorry, but I refuse to have this play on my speakers. It’s disrespectful to them,” Crowley protested. He went to reach for his phone when Ezra started singing, and to Crowley’s surprise, dancing. It wasn’t the kind of sensual dancing he had done at school, this was closer to the music video, which meant it was mainly pointing and stiffly waving his hands. 

_”But we are two worlds apart, can’t reach to your heart.”_ He picked up Crowley’s phone and began using it as a microphone.

“ _When you say, I want it that way. Tell me, why!_ ” He moved the phone to Crowley, expecting him to finish the lyric. 

“Nope, no way.” 

“ _Tell me, why!_ ”

“You are wasting your time.”

_”Tell me why I never wanna hear you say._.”

Crowley let out a low breath, exhaling any self respect he may have been holding onto and poorly sang, _“I want it that way.”_ This caused Ezra to double over and break into a fit of giggles.

Crowley rolled his eyes and thought to himself _I can’t believe I’m in love with such a dork_. Oh. The thought ran through his mind again. **Oh**. His body stiffened. He could feel his eyes go wide. **Oh**. Ezra seemed to immediately notice Crowley’s change in demeanor. 

He still had tears in his eyes from laughing. “Dear, are you quite alr-”

Ezra didn’t finish his sentence because Crowley had started moving towards him. He didn’t stop until their faces were centimeters apart. Crowley looked at Ezra’s lips and licked his own. Ezra paused the music. 

“Crowley,” he whispered, “Please don’t tease me. Not about this.” 

Crowley took a long fingered hand and cupped Ezra’s jaw, looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

“Angel,” he breathed, “I could never.” He pressed their lips together and Crowley saw stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s worth your time to watch the “I Want It That Way” music video if you haven’t already. Fashion really peaked in the late 90’s.


	7. Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Get ready for some hurt-comfort dynamic! Be aware, we are earning our angst tag this chapter.

The kiss was tender and chaste. Crowley pulled back to look at him, pressing their foreheads together. He couldn’t help the broad smile that spread across his face. “Angel. My angel.”

Then, to Crowley’s surprise, Ezra moved forward for another kiss. This time it was passionate and desperate. Ezra had fully wrapped his arms around Crowley’s torso, and Crowley had moved to press Ezra against his kitchen wall. One hand remained cupping his face, while the other had moved to the nape of his neck, wrapped around one of his shoulders. Every cell in Crowley’s body was burning. 

As they continued, their bodies were pushed close together, and Crowley could feel that Ezra’s heavy, ragged breaths matched his own. His pants had grown tight and he could feel Ezra’s arousal pushed against his leg. He shifted to make sure Ezra could feel his in return. Crowley moved one leg in between Ezra’s and pushed against him, creating friction and pressure. Ezra moaned and threw his head back. Crowley took the opportunity to plant wet, sucking kisses on his exposed neck. 

Suddenly, Ezra’s entire body had gone stiff and he dropped his arms from Crowley’s sides. Crowley pulled back, and was horrified to see tears in Ezra’s eyes. He looked like a scared animal, and Crowley instinctively took a step back. 

“Angel... what’s wrong?”

“I...I.. I’m not...I need to….” he was stammering and his tears began to flow more freely. “I’m sorry, I need to leave now.” 

“What? Why?”

“There are things I need to take care of before this,” he waved a trembling hand between the two of them, “can happen. I still have some thinking I need to do.”

“Like what? What is there to think about?” Ezra just shook his head, like he didn’t trust himself to speak. “We care about each other...don’t we?” 

“Of course I care about you,” Ezra snapped. “This is more than just a passing snog for me, that’s why I need to-” 

“And you think it isn’t for me? Jesus, Ezra. You think I’m not capable of making attachments?” Crowley took another step away from him in frustration.

“I didn’t mean to imply that and you know it!”

“Then what did you mean!” He was yelling. He knew he shouldn’t be, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

Ezra sounded panicky, “I mean that I need time! It’s my family. They don’t know yet-”

“What? That you’ve been spending time with me? I know you haven’t been telling them. Are you afraid I’m not good enough for you? Are you afraid of embarrassing them by keeping company with a poor scoundrel like me? You say my background doesn’t matter, but you’re ashamed to be seen with me! Admit it!” He was letting his worst fears escape from his mouth and his head was buzzing. He was so angry. Angry at his own shitty family, angry at Ezra for caring about it, and angry at himself for believing Ezra would think otherwise. It would be better to push Ezra away now than face his rejection. 

“Crowley, please! You’re not letting me explain!” 

“Maybe you should leave.” Crowley looked up to meet Ezra’s gaze. Ezra’s eyes showed nothing but hurt and betrayal at his response. _Shit_. The expression began to level Crowley’s temper. “Ezra, I didn’t mean...”

“No, you’re right,” he said thickly, “I should go.”

Crowley could feel the panic filling his lungs. His rational side fighting with his defensive one. “At least let me give you a ride home.”

“No. I want to walk.” Ezra stood at the door without turning around. “I’ll see you later, Crowley. Enjoy the rest of your birthday.” 

The silence of his flat was deafening. What had just happened? He replayed their conservation in his mind. What was it exactly that Ezra had said? He had never disagreed with Crowley’s accusations, but Crowley hadn’t given him an opportunity to do so. Mainly because he was afraid to hear what Ezra had to say. What if it _was_ because he didn’t think he was good enough? He couldn’t bear the words coming out of Ezra’s mouth.

He thought back to what Janelle, his therapist, had told him. Projecting and self-sabotage were common among those who have experienced some time of trauma. Is that what he was doing? He thought he had worked through most of his issues, but he had never had something this precious to lose before. Crowley dove for his phone. 

**text me when you make it home safe**

He received his reply half an hour later. 

**Angel: Home.**

Crowley didn’t sleep at all that night. He kept reliving the feeling of Ezra’s plump, warm lips against his, the swipe of his tongue, and press of his muscular hands around Crowley’s boney ribs. Their conversation kept playing in his mind. Time had let his temper cool down and perspective started to kick in. He knew he had been too defensive, but it was hard to stop himself from going off when all of his worst fears felt like they were being confirmed. He needed to apologize. He picked up his phone again. 

**im sorry. i shouldnt have told you to go**

What if Ezra thought Crowley was angry because he had paused their intimate activities? That Crowley wanted to move faster in a physical way and got upset when Ezra hadn’t obliged? He prayed to someone that wasn’t the case. 

**im not upset. you had every right to pull away if you were uncomfortable**

**plz call me. i want to talk**

Another day passed and he didn’t receive any replies. By Sunday night he had fished out the bottle of vodka he kept under his sink. He decided he needed to cope with things his way, so he drank. 

\----------------------------------------

Ezra should have insisted Crowley let him explain things. He knew that Crowley had self esteem issues, that was the sole reason he hadn’t told anyone about him. He wanted to wait for everything to be out in the open so Crowley wouldn’t feel like Ezra was ashamed. The more he thought about it, the more counter intuitive his logic seemed. It appeared that he’d inadvertently hurt Crowley in a worse way than he imagined. Oh, he had gotten himself into quite the mess. 

He just needed a few days to think of how to best go about things. He needed solitude for his thoughts. He might become brazen and go about telling his father the wrong way if he talked to Crowley now. He decided it would be best to explain things to Crowley in person on Monday. Hopefully Crowley didn’t hate him too much to listen. 

\----------------------------------------

Crowley woke up with the worst hangover of his life Monday morning. He spent an hour retching in his toilet, trying to ignore a sharp pain in his stomach. He was hoping to talk to Ezra at school, but that was out of the question. He should be fine by the afternoon. He would talk to him at the library. 

\----------------------------------------

Ezra was in a panic. Crowley hadn’t shown up to school. Was he avoiding him? Had he gotten hurt over the weekend? He did live alone. He tried his best to put his anxiety aside for the time being. If Crowley didn’t show up to the library, then Ezra would stop by his flat.

He was grateful to find Anathema at lunch. It was strange how quickly they had become close friends. “Dear, I need to speak to you in private. It’s urgent.” 

“Ezra, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you so panicked before.”

Ezra recounted the events that had transpired over the weekend. “You kissed!? Finally! The tension between you too has been palpable for months.”

Ezra wrung his hands nervously. “Well, I seemed to have immediately mucked things up.” Anathema listened patiently as he explained the fallout that occurred soon after. “I’m afraid I’ve already ruined everything.”

She shook her head. “Trust me, you haven’t. We both know that Crowley’s upbringing left him with some… self-worth issues. It’s natural that he would be somewhat defensive, but he’ll listen to reason when he calms down. It would have been ideal if you had explained things in the moment, but you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“But what if he already hates me now? ”

“Ezra,” she hesitated, “I was apprehensive when you decided to befriend Crowley. I was upset by how he had treated you in public, and my sight was clouded by anger. Now I can see that your auras are connected.”

He knew that Anathema considered herself clairvoyant, but she rarely talked about her perceived abilities. “What does that mean?” 

“It means that the cords of your heart chakras are tied together.” Ezra shot her another confused look. “It means it’s impossible for him to ever hate you,” she said in frustration. “I sense it now, and so does my Aunt Agnes.”

“Wait, Crowley’s guidance counselor is your aunt?” 

“Yes, and she has an even better feel for these things than I do. I know you’re scared, but he’ll listen to you because you love him.” It was a statement not a question, and Ezra didn’t correct her. 

\----------------------------------------

Crowley was already at the library when Ezra arrived. He was sitting at a table and drenched in sweat. He looked pale and his long body was slightly hunched over. 

“Good Lord, are you alright?” 

“M’fine,” he somewhat slurred.

“Are you drunk?” Ezra walked closer to get a better look at him. 

“No,” Crowley scowled. “Haven’t had anything since last night.” Ezra set a hand on Crowley’s clammy forehead. He was burning up.

“Why are you clutching your side like that?” Ezra tried to keep his voice calm, but he had an inkling of what was happening. 

“Just hurts a bit. Look, ‘m here to say something...” before he could finish, Ezra poked him hard under the spot he was clutching.” Crowley let out a strangled cry. “What the fuck, angel!?”

“God in heaven, you have appendicitis. We need to get you to the hospital now. Did you drive here?” Crowley nodded weakly. “You stupid man! You really drove in this state? Give me your keys now.” Crowley tried to laugh, but ended up wincing instead. He reached into Crowley’s pocket and pulled the keys out. He took Crowley’s arm and wrapped it around his shoulder, supporting his weight while carrying him towards the door. “Francis, we’re leaving!” Ezra called out. 

Crowley continued to weakly protest as Ezra gingerly set him into the passenger's seat and buckled his seatbelt around him. “Hold on darling. I really am a dreadful driver.”

Then, for Crowley, everything went black.

\----------------------------------------

Crowley opened his eyes and saw a glowing, white figure hovering over him. “Oh God, I’m dead,” he moaned

He heard a loud tutting noise followed by, “Don’t be such a drama queen.”

Crowley was coming out of haze. His mind was foggy and his body felt all tingly, but he immediately recognized the voice. “Angel? You’re here?”

“Where else would I be?”

“I don’t know, anywhere. Doing anything.”

Ezra grabbed his hand and _oh that felt nice_. His hands were so soft. “You’re hurt. You didn’t really think I would leave you here alone, did you?”

Crowley looked around the cramped hospital room. “Flowers?” he said intelligently. 

Ezra turned to where he was looking. “Yes, I thought they’d brighten up the place. I went to the gift shop while you were having surgery.”

“Why tiger lillies?”

“Oh, well, they reminded me of you. With the freckles and all that.” Ezra blushed. “ Is there anyone you would like me to call for you? Anyone else you would like here? I don’t think they are my biggest fans, but I could track down Bee and..”

“No, no one else. This is good.”

“I should let the nurses know you’re awake.” He handed Crowley the TV remote. “Put on something you like. I’ll be right back.”

“Wait, don't go yet..” Ezra stopped when Crowley tightened his grip on his hand. “Thank you for being here.” 

“Of course, dear. I was so scared earlier. I’m just glad you’re alright.” Ezra gave him a smile that put the sun to shame. So Ezra didn’t hate him. That was good.

Ezra sat patiently while the doctor examined Crowley one last time. A laparoscopic appendectomy was an outpatient procedure, so it only consisted of having his vitals and stitches double checked. 

The doctor turned to Ezra. “And You’ll be taking care of him?” Crowley opened his mouth to inform the man that he could take care of himself, but Ezra had already answered, “Yes.” The doctor handed Ezra some pamphlets, reading certain portions off to him. Ezra, being himself, had taken a pen out of his coat pocket and began his taking notes. Less than an hour later, Crowley was being wheeled out of the building. 

“There’s no way you are driving my car again!” 

“Good Lord, Crowley. You act like it’s a brand new Mazzardi, not a 2003 Pontiac. You were only discharged because I agree to drive you home safely. You still have chemicals and whatnot in your system.” 

“You said it yourself, you’re a dreadful driver! Made me black out in fear last time.”

“You blacked out because you were dying and I saved your life. I’m not going to have you risk it again because you’re stubborn.”

“Saved my life? How long am I going to hear that for?”

“Forever.” Ezra opened the passenger door and Crowley relented as Ezra carefully helped him inside. He was able to easily support most of Crowley’s weight in just his right arm. Had Ezra always been that strong? He tried to suppress the immense attraction he felt. 

The drive to Crowley’s flat was painfully slow, as Ezra was obviously trying to prove a point. Ezra parked outside of the building and opened his door. “It’s a shame there’s no elevator. I’ll just have to help you up.” 

“You don’t have to do all of this for me. I’m fine on my own,” Crowley protested. 

“I know you can do this on your own, but I want to help. Please let me stay.”

How could Crowley say no to that? He leaned on Ezra's shoulder as he hobbled up the stairs and opened the door to his flat. 

Ezra was prattling off information while Crowley moved towards the couch. 

“Your recovery is going to take about a week, during which time you’ll feel very tired. You shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy or exerting yourself, so I’ve already called Tracy.”

He helped set Crowley down onto the couch. Ezra knelt on the floor and thoughtfully unlaced each of Crowley’s boots, while Crowley stared at him in wonder. Angel really was a fitting nickname. Once his shoes were removed, Ezra grabbed a soft blanket to drape over him. He continued talking as he searched for a flower vase to set the tiger lillies in. 

“Tracy said she could afford to give you a week of paid sick leave. You can’t put any ointments on your stitches or take baths, but showers should be fine if you need to clean them. I’ve also contacted Ms. Nutter about your volunteer hours. We do a lot of lifting and twisting at the library, so she said she would try to contact the courts and extend your six month time frame. She said that based on your improving grades, she actually might be able to shave hours off your service instead.” 

“You did all of this over the course of two hours?”

“I’m very effective,” he grinned. “Also, I bought soup! It’s just from the hospital cafeteria but I still thought--”

At that, something inside his chest burst. Crowley began crying. Crying harder than he had in his entire life. 

In a moment, Ezra had embraced him and was rubbing calming circles in his back. “Hey, you’re alright. It’s okay, darling. I’m sorry if this is all too much. You’re safe here, you can let it out.” Crowley bawled even harder at his gentle encouragements.

“I’m-I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry I p-pushed you away,” he said between choked sobs. 

“No apologizing,” Ezra cooed. “My poor dear. We can talk about all of that later. Now is not the time.” Crowley nodded weakly into Ezra’s dampening shoulder. 

His weeping calmed down over time and he felt himself growing sleepy. The surgery had taken a lot out of him. 

“Would you like to stay here, or would you like me to move you to your bed?”

“Here is fine.” Ezra helped Crowley lean back and grabbed a pillow to prop under his head. 

“It’s starting to get late. Is there anything else you’d like me to do? Any other way I can help?”

“Can you read to me?” Crowley asked. 

“Of course, dear.” Ezra picked up the copy of East of Eden that was sitting on his coffee table and removed the bookmark. Crowley was lulled to sleep by the sweet sound of his angel’s voice.


	8. Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ezra has a conversation with his father. This will be the last chapter that delves heavily into homophobia. This chapter is shorter, so I’ve bumped up the total chapter count to 11. The last chapter will be an epilogue.

The day had been nothing less than an emotional rollercoaster. Ezra had texted his father to let him know that he would be home past curfew. He also promised to have an explanation for why when he returned. It was a quarter after eleven when he made it through the door, which was considerably late for him. His thoughts drifted to Crowley, as they so often did. He was always so strong and capable, but he had seemed so helpless when they had taken him into surgery. Crowley wanted people to believe he could do everything on his own, but everyone needs someone to take care of them sometimes. Ezra hoped he was worthy to be that person for Crowley. 

He took a determined breath and ran upstairs to grab an envelope off his dresser. Ezra returned to the main floor and stood outside his father’s study. He lightly tapped on the door. 

He could hear a gruff voice say “come in,” through the thick oak slab. 

His father was sitting at a desk with a notepad in front of him. He was mostly likely drafting the sermon he would give next Sunday. He looked up at his son and removed his reading spectacles.

“Ezra. I’m assuming you’re here to explain why you broke curfew.”

Ezra tried to summon his will to speak, but he felt a crushing weight on his vocal cords. He had planned for this. His heart beat furiously inside his chest as he held out the envelope with shaking hands. “I...I... need you to read this.”

His father gave him a confused look. “I’m rather busy, son. Does it need to be right now?”

“Y-Yes,” he stammered, “I’m afraid it does.”

His father used the silver letter opener he kept on his desk and pulled out a paper covered in Ezra’s neat calligraphy. His father stared at the letter in silence. Only three minutes had passed, but it felt like it could have been three hours. Without warning, his father stood and left the room. _That was unexpected._ Unsure of what to do, Ezra sat down on the chair opposite to where his father had been. He kept his breathing steady. He was strong. He could do this. 

His father came back a few minutes later, but he was now carrying a bottle of scotch and two tumblers. He returned to his seat and poured them each a glass. He nursed his drink while eyeing his son shrewdly. 

“I loved your mother very much.”

Startled by the sudden proclamation, Ezra jumped slightly. He did his best to regain his composure, but his insides were still in knots. 

“Evelyn was the best woman I’ve ever known. She was Christ’s love personified. She deserved a better man than me, but she picked me regardless. As painful as it was losing her, I’ll always be grateful I was her husband.”

Ezra nodded while his father took another gulp of his drink and continued. “You remind me of her more than your siblings. There’s so much of her in you. It’s probably why she always had a soft spot for her little Aziraphale.”

The air in the room felt heavier, and Ezra began tearing up. His mother had never called him by his nickname, she always insisted on Aziraphale. _’That’s the name I gave my little angel. How could I possibly change it when he looks so much like one?’_

“She had an inkling about this.” His father gestured at the letter on his desk. “But I told her that no child of mine would be a bloody queer. If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." 

“Leviticus Chapter 20 verse 13,” Ezra said automatically. He had been forced to memorize the verse in Sunday school. 

“Do you know what your mother said when I told her that?” Ezra glanced downward and shook his head. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. That’s 1 Corinthians. She read that at our wedding.” He gave a heavy sigh.

“She loved you children more than anything in the world, even me. When she got sick, and it was clear she wouldn’t get better, she made me promise to keep loving all of you, no matter the path you each took. 

“I will never condone a homosexual lifestyle. I never want to meet any ‘partners’ you may have, including the boy you wrote about in this letter. I will not force your siblings to accept the choices you make from this point forward. That being said, you will always have a place to stay in this house and you will always be a part of this family.” 

Ezra’s eyes were spilling over with tears, his skin felt hot and uncomfortable. “Thank you father,” he whispered, “I appreciate you letting me stay here, but I don’t consider myself welcome, or a part of the family, if the man I love isn’t. If that’s how you intend to act, I have no intention of returning home once I start university.” 

His father nodded and Ezra left the room with his head held high. 

\------------------------------------------

Crowley woke up alone in his apartment. He picked up his phone, which was charging on a nearby table. It was 9:42am.

His small coffee table held a variety of other items. They included: a large class of water, his painkillers and antibiotics, a tin of biscuits, neatly folded pajamas, and a note. Crowley picked up the paper and smiled at Ezra’s overly ornate handwriting. 

**Dear Crowley,**

**Don’t even think about going to school today. I’ll collect everything you need and bring it to your flat immediately after it lets out. Your soup is still in the refrigerator. Are you aware that you have almost no food in this house? I’ll bring you some groceries later as well. Call if you need _anything_. **

**Dearest regards,**

**Ezra**

A wave of fondness crashed over Crowley. Ezra had seen him cry. Ezra had held his head in his lap while reading him to sleep. Ezra had bought him soup, and would be coming over with more groceries. Crowley was really in it deep. 

If Ezra was coming over later, Crowley decided it was in his best interest to shower. He undressed and thumbed over his incision as the water washed over him. It carried away some of his stress. Such a small mark had forced him to give up all of his control. It forced him to let himself be cared for. The experience had brought him to tears, but he liked it and wanted more. 

He considered putting on flattering jeans and a tight shirt for Ezra's arrival, but decided against. Ezra had seen him in a hospital gown less than 24 hours ago. Sweatpants were still a big step up. 

To his surprise, he heard a knock in his door at 3:30 pm. When he opened it, Ezra was standing, arms full of brown paper bags. 

“Why aren’t you at work?” Crowley asked.

“I took the rest of the week off.”

“Angel, you shouldn’t do that. You need to save money for school.”

“Yes, but I want to be here more. I would have arrived sooner, but my usual ride is convalescing.” He pushed past Crowley and moved towards the kitchen. He began unloading the groceries he had brought with him. “I’ll finish up in a moment, dear. You can wait on the couch.” He paused. “We need to have a talk.”

Crowley felt his whole body lurch. Those were never good words. “Can’t we just say that I take the blame for everything and I’m always wrong?”

“No, I don’t believe we can.” Ezra guided Crowley to the couch. They both sat down, and Ezra kept Crowley’s hands between his own. “I’m going to start talking. I’m going to ask that you please let me finish without interruptions.” Crowley’s stomach fluttered nervously. He tightly pressed his lips together and nodded. 

“Good.” Ezra took a deep breath. “Crowley, you are special. You are beautiful, bright, funny, passionate, interesting, and very kind. I am in no way ashamed of you because I cannot think of a better person in the entire world than you.” 

Crowley’s eyes were already stinging and he shook his head. “No, Ezra, I’m--”

“Excuse me, my dear, but it is still my turn to speak.” Crowley quickly closed his mouth and nodded. 

“I’m not _out_ to my family. Or, at least, I wasn’t when we last saw each other. They know that you are gay and I was worried they'd make assumptions I wasn’t ready to deal with. I was hesitant to start a relationship with you because you deserve better than to be someone's secret. You deserve to be seen by the world. I am truly sorry that I made you feel otherwise.”

Crowley had promised not to say anything, so he did his best to hold back the choked sob that was lodged in his throat. Maybe a garbled _ngk_ slipped out. He felt like he could spontaneously combust. 

“They know now. My father handled it better than I thought he would, meaning I don’t have to leave home. He’s not supportive, but he’s made no plans to stop me or change me at this point. My siblings haven’t spoken to me, so it appears I’ve still become the household pariah,” he attempted to chuckle.

“Oh, angel. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed this was all about me. I shouldn’t have forced you into a position to tell them.” Crowley’s own coming out experience had been without consequence. No one had cared enough about him to be upset by his orientation.

“You didn’t force me to do anything. Crowley, seeing you wheeled in for surgery and thinking that you hated me...I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to you. I’ve always considered myself a bit of a loner, and I was okay with that, but I don’t feel alone anymore.” He rubbed a thumb over Crowley’s knuckle. “And I’d like to keep it that way. If you don’t hate me for how I’ve treated you, and you’re open to it, I’d like to..like to maybe try...” 

Crowley leaned forward slightly and they melted into a kiss. 

“Don’t think I could hate you, s’not possible.” 

“Well then, if you’ll have me, I would very much like to be your boyfriend.” 

“Really?” Crowley began to worry this was all a dream and that he was still under anesthesia at Tadfield Hospital. 

“Really.”

“Alright then. That, uh, sounds tickety-boo,” Crowley said, at a loss for better words. 

Ezra laughed and kissed him on the forehead. He seemed positively giddy. “Oh my, that is tickety-boo!” He stopped and looked away. “Just so you know, I may not be ready for some of the more, uh, physical aspects of a..”

“I’ll stop you right there, angel. You can set the pace for everything. I’ll never force you into something you aren’t ready for.”

Ezra gave a relaxed smile. “I’m going to cook you something proper to eat. Just stay here. Maybe you can put on the program with the old ladies that you enjoy so much.”

“It’s called the Golden Girls. Also, you don’t have to cook something special for me. Really, m’fine.”

“Is it not a boyfriend's duty to look after his beau?”

Crowley was someone's beau. He was _Ezra’s_ beau. The title made his cheeks feel hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little shorter. I’ve been having trouble finding the motivation to write… or do anything lately. It’s been a rough month. Most of the story has been drafted, but I might be releasing things at a slower pace. I hope you guys are doing well and staying safe. <3


	9. Better Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some smut in this chapter. It will start with a * and go on until the end of the chapter. Feel free to skip over it if it makes you uncomfortable, you won’t miss any major plot points.

Crowley was back in school a week later. He was draped across a chair in Ms. Nutter’s office and scratching at some stubble that had grown along his sharp jawline.

“What’s this about, Agnes? If you’re worried about my health, ‘m all sewn up now. Should be fine.”

She rolled her eyes. “Please, Anthony. I doubt God herself could kill you if she wanted to.” She closed the folder on her desk. “I heard back from the courts about your sentencing.”

“Ah. They were upset I had to take a week off to ‘convalesce’?”

“On the contrary. You haven’t had any disciplinary reports filed at school, your marks have gone up considerably, and you received a glowing review from your peer mentor.” She smiled at him. “Though I left out his soliloquy on how ruggedly handsome you are and how keeping you indoors all day was practically a crime itself.” Crowley glowed red. He hoped Agnes was joking, but he could see Ezra including something akin to that without realizing it. 

“They decided to knock off the rest of your hours. I guess that three hundred was enough to reform you into a model citizen.” Three hundred hours. He knew that _should_ sound like a lot, but it didn’t. His time with Ezra had flown by so quickly. He wasn’t sure he was ready for their book club to end. 

Crowley cleared his throat. “Can I still, uh, volunteer anyways?” he said, feigning nonchalance. 

Agnes looked at him knowingly, as if she expected him to ask. “Yes, Anthony. You can spend as much time as you’d like at the library. It is a public space.” She gave him a wink. “Didn’t I tell you this would be good for you?”

Crowley let out a dramatic sigh and slouched father into his seat. “Alright, get it out already.” It wasn’t enough for Agnes to be right. She needed _you_ to know that she was right. “Just say ‘I told you so’.”

Her smug smile softened. “You seem happier, Anthony.”

“Yeah, well…” we waved his hands around and tried not to smile himself. “I am happier,” he mumbled.

Agnes decided it was time to change the subject. “What are your post graduation plans? It’s coming up in two months. Did you ever apply to any universities?” For being a guidance counselor, she talked surprisingly little about academics and career goals.

“Nah, I’ll just keep working for Tracy.” Though he might be more employable now, Crowley doubted he’d find a kinder boss that would rent out a flat for dirt cheap.

“I didn’t realize you were so attached to Tadfield,” 

“Seeing as this is the only place I can afford to live,” he snapped, “I’d say I’m quite attached here, yes.” 

She held her hands up defensively. “It never hurts to think about your future. Where do you picture yourself in ten years?” Crowley stopped to think. He knew exactly where he wanted to be a decade from now, he just wasn’t ready to tell anyone. 

\------

After leaving Agnes’s office, Crowley made his way towards his locker to put his books away. To his surprise (and displeasure) Bea’s posse was lurking in front of it. He hadn’t seen any of them for quite some time. He was arriving early to his classes, he wasn’t leaving campus during lunch, and was spending most of the time he wasn’t working with Ezra. 

“Hello, everyone. To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked.

“We just heard that you’re off the hook with your sentencing. Thought we’d come by to congratulate you.” Hastur grinned and slapped him on the back. Crowley hated when he did that.

“How could you possibly know about that already? I just found out 10 minutes ago.”

“A friend of mine works at the courthouse,” Dagon said. “How about you celebrate your freedom with us tonight?”

“On a Tuesday?”

“It’s never stopped you before.”

Crowley shrugged. “I think I'll pass. My volunteer shift starts at 3:30 anyways.”

They all burst out laughing. When Crowley didn’t join in, they began to suspect he wasn’t joking. “You can’t be serious. We backed off because we knew you had to suck up to that priss,” Hastur spat. “Kissing his arse paid off, you’re free.”

“Eh, I guess I still feel the need to pay my debt to society, and I’d rather be around him than someone that smells like poo.”

Hastur took a step forward, “Don’t insult me, you snake.” 

“I’m not insulting you, Hastur. I’m just describing you.” 

Hastur pulled his arm back, like he was planning to make some sort of move. Bea stepped in front of him. “Cool it. Obviously, the church boy is still in Crowley’s head. The man needs some space… for now.” Bea pointed their fingers and the group began to walk away, though Hastur still glared back at him.

That was a thing. 

\----------------------------

“Darling, I don’t see why this should be awkward. We eat with Newt and Anathema everyday, and we’ve already put this off for a month.” Ezra was adjusting his tartan bow-tie in the mirror. Crowley had bought it for him for their one month anniversary, and Ezra wore it every opportunity he got. It seemed to fit his aesthetic perfectly. 

Ezra had opted to finish getting ready at Crowley’s flat. They seemed to be spending an increasingly large amount of time there, which he didn’t mind at all. He would take all the private time with Ezra he could get. 

“And it’s been a great month!” Crowley protested while pulling on his snake skin boots. “We don’t want to jinx our relationship with a double date. Also, you know this is different.” 

“Oh please, Crowley,” Ezra tutted, “It’s going to take more of a jinx to keep me from you. How is this any different than being in the cafeteria? Aside from the exceptionally improved cuisine.”

Crowley tried very hard to think of a reason why they shouldn’t go out with Newt and Anathema. Maybe because he couldn’t gaze dreamily at Ezra without being mocked? Or brush their feet under the table? Or reach over and steal a kiss during dessert? Crowley sighed, “You owe me.” 

Ezra scoffed, “Oh yes, how can I ever repay you for eating dinner?” He mock swooned. 

Crowley sauntered towards him, pulling him away from the mirror and bringing their bodies close together. “I’m sure I’ll think of something,” he said with a devilish grin. He grabbed Ezra’s hand and kissed the inside of his palm. Ezra’s entire body flushed. 

“Yes,” he said somewhat flustered, “You do that. They’re expecting us in 15 minutes. It’s best we get a wiggle on.”

Crowley picked up his favorite pair of sunglasses and shoved them up the bridge of his nose.  
“I’ve just decided. You can make it up to me by never saying that again.” 

\----------------------------

Newt poked at his sushi warily, while Anathema tossed a large chunk of wasabi into her mouth. “I’m glad you were able to come. It took long enough for this one to agree.” She pointed at Crowley. 

“Oi, we’re here now aren’t we?” Crowley said grumpily. He knew this had been a bad idea. 

“Yes, you are. I guess the mysterious Anthony J. Crowley is ready to show everyone his soft side.” Anathema nodded at his and Ezra’s clasped hands. 

Crowley pulled his away. “Not soft,” he growled. Though any show of callousness was immediately undone by the smile he threw Ezra. 

Overall, the evening went very smoothly. As Ezra had pointed out to Crowley earlier, the four did interact on a daily basis. 

“It’s absolutely wonderful that you both got into Warwick!” Ezra clapped his hands together in delight. It had been Anathema’s first choice. Of course, her second and third choices had been in the United States, which would have been completely unacceptable for Ezra to endure. 

She gave a dismissive wave. “You’re just happy because I’m staying in the country. What about you? Have you decided where you’re attending yet, Ezra?”

“He’s still waiting to hear back from University College London,” Crowley said. 

“Actually…” Ezra started.

Crowley jerked his head to face him. “ _Actually?!_ ” 

Ezra looked away guiltily. “I got an email from UCL’s admission office today. I was going to wait until we returned to your flat to open it. I didn’t want to put a damper on the festivities if it’s a rejection.” He also didn’t want to have a mental breakdown in the middle of a crowded sushi restaurant if his dream of moving to London was dashed to pieces. 

“Ok, well you _have_ to open it now,” Crowley said. He and Crowley had briefly mentioned a long distance relationship, but they decided to put off the conversation until he was officially accepted. Ezra also did not want to have this conversation in the middle of a crowded sushi restaurant either. 

“Look,” Anathema cut in, “If you don’t get in, Newt and I will get the check as a consolation dinner. If you do get in, you grab the check as a celebration. It’s perfect.”

“I don’t see how us buying you gits dinner is perfect. Obviously, he’s going to get it.” 

Ezra was growing paler by the moment. “I’m not ready for this,” he said. 

“Angel,” Crowley cupped his cheek with a long hand and that felt _nice_. “They would be fools not to accept you. You don’t have to open it now if you don’t want it. It’s fine if you need more time.”

“Sofffttt,” Anathema whispered under her breath, prompting Crowley to shoot her a scowl. 

Ezra pulled his ancient cell phone out of his pocket and scrolled with shaking hands. He stopped breathing as he opened the email. “They said yes! I’ve been accepted!” The entire restaurant turned around to stare at the now screaming table of youths. 

Crowley kissed him square on the mouth, gawking customers be damned. “Ezra, I’m so proud of you! That’s fantastic!” 

“I knew you would be,” Anathema smiled. 

“Great job, mate,” Newt said. He turned to address Crowley. “What’s going to happen with you two when he leaves?” That immediately brought their festivities to a stop. 

Anathema elbowed him in the ribs. “What?” Newt winced. “It’s a valid question.”

“We briefly discussed this possibility. We’ve decided to go long distance, if you still want to,” Ezra said while eyeing Crowley very nervously. _Oh God_ he hoped he still wanted to. 

“Of course I still want to! London's only a two hour trip for a normal driver, meaning it should only take me an hour and a half. Easy to do on the weekend.” 

“You already checked the distance?” Ezra said sappily.

Crowley’s ears turned pink. “Just curiosity, really.”

“Sure, dear.” Ezra winked. 

“That’s still an awful long drive to make every weekend. Are you sure?” Newt said, earning himself another smack from Anathema.

“What is wrong with you?” she whispered. 

Crowley laughed. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” 

“I’ll visit Tadfield too,” Ezra added.

“Like hell you will! In what car? Also, you need to focus on your studies. I miss London anyways, this will be great for me.” 

Ezra nodded. “I’ll still miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too, angel.” He kissed his forehead. “Loads of couples do long distance. We’ll be fine. Plus we have the whole summer to spend together. You’ll be sick of me over the next three months, you’ll be begging me to leave you alone in London.” 

Ezra doubted that very much. “You’re really ok with all of this?” 

“Angel, you could be attending Uni in hell and I would still drive down to visit.”

“Soft,” Anathema whispered again. 

\----------------------------

Crowley and Ezra bid Newt and Anathema farewell and began walking towards Crowley’s flat. He had promised Ezra pistachio ice cream as a way to celebrate UCL. Now that Ezra’s visits were becoming more frequent, Crowley was sure to keep a few pints in his freezer at all times. 

Ezra had slipped his hand into the crook of Crowley’s elbow as they walked. They looked like a Victorian couple going for an evening stroll. It was dark outside and Ezra’s face glowed as they passed under street lamps.

“Can’t believe I’m with a university man. How’d I manage to snag myself someone so handsome AND smart?”

Ezra giggled. “All that flattery probably helps.” He propped himself onto his toes to kiss Crowley’s cheekbone. The air was warm, but Crowley’s face blazed even hotter where Ezra’s lips had touched him. 

The mood dissipated as they approached Crowley’s flat. Several people appeared to be lurking outside the door. 

“So the rumors are true,” a voice sneered, “You’re actually dating the school prude?” The figures became clearer as they stepped forward. Great. Of course they would try to ruin tonight. 

“Back off, Hastur,” Crowley growled. 

“What? Scared I’ll upset your little boyfriend?” His tone grew more malicious and Crowley protectively stepped forward as a barrier between him and Ezra. 

Bea also stepped forward, now making themself seen. “Fucking the preacher’s son? You never fail to surprise us, Crowley.”

“You all need to leave now.” Crowley glanced at Ezra, who was trying very hard (and failing) to not look intimidated by the present situation. 

“No need to be so defensive.” Bea took a slow drag from their cigarette. “We just miss you, Crowley. You’ve always been so useful for us. Just want to borrow you a few nights a week, nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah,” Hastur interrupted, “You could even bring your new boy-toy with you. Maybe you could give us proper introduction and we could officially welcome him into the group. If you’re scared to leave him behind, that is.” He took a few aggressive steps towards Ezra, while cracking his knuckles. Ezra visibly flinched.

Crowley had experienced anger before, all disadvantaged inner-city kids had at one point or another. The feeling that festered in his chest was more than that. It was wrath. He couldn’t hear anything aside from the blood rushing in his ears. He pulled something out of his pocket and snapped it open, it made everyone surrounding them step back. 

“If you hurt, or even threaten to hurt, the man I love then I will murder you.” The knife in Crowley’s hand was sharp and reflected the street light. 

Everyone was frozen, except for Bea who rolled their eyes. “Fuck, no need to be so dramatic. We get it. The great Anthony Crowley has officially been whipped. When this one is finished with you, you know where to find us.” They whistled and their crew began to walk away. 

“This isn’t over,” Hastur said, obviously trying to save some face. 

When they had all rounded the corner, Crowley grabbed Ezra by the hand and quickly pulled him up the stairs into his flat. 

“Fuck. Angel, I’m sorry. Are you alright?” Ezra nodded affirmatively, but appeared to be in a state of shock. It sent Crowley panicking. “Shit. I’m so sorry. I’ll make tea. You always feel better after tea and then we can talk abo--.”

“Did you mean it?” Ezra said breathily. 

“That I would actually kill them? I mean, I can’t say I’m a murderer but if anyone thinks they can lay a finger on--”

“Not that, though that was rather gallant of you. Did you mean what you said about….” Ezra trailed off, hoping Crowley would know where he was going. Crowley did not, so Ezra persisted. “You said that you… that you love me. Well, you told them not to hurt the man you loved, I assume you meant me. I mean, who else....”

Ezra babbled on, but Crowley had stopped listening. He had said that, hadn’t he? He didn’t even realize it in the heat of the moment. He had been full of adrenaline, and his filter had slipped. They’d only been officially dating for a month and a half. This was too fast. He should backtrack, right? That’s what a normal, sane person would do. He was obviously coming on too hard, he’d scare Ezra away. 

“Yes. I do.” Eh, in for a penny in for a pound. 

“You do?” Ezra parroted disbelievingly. 

“Aziraphale Fell, I’ve been gone on you since you touched my hand on our first day working together.” It was true. Crowley had thought about Ezra everyday since that moment. He had a feeling he’d probably think about him everyday for the rest of his life. “It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way. I mean, it’s alright. Don’t feel like you have to say anything right now.” 

Ezra leaned in close and pressed his hand to his lower back. “I love you too Anthony J. Crowley.” He drew him in for a kiss. _They were in love_. 

*

They soon found themselves horizontal on Crowley’s couch. Sure, they’d done some pretty intense snogging before, but they were _in love_ now. Crowley could feel that things were getting heated; their hands were moving more erratically and kisses were becoming deeper than they had been before. Ezra had said he wasn’t ready for anything intimate, and Crowley didn’t want to push him into something that would make him uncomfortable. 

“Sorry,” Crowley said, pulling back. “Got a bit too enthusiastic.” He wiped his spit slick mouth with the back of his hand in an attempt to ground himself. 

“Please don’t apologize, my love.” _My love._ “I don’t mind. In fact….” Crowley felt two of Ezra’s coal-hot fingers curl over his waistband and a tug at his jeans.

“ _Fuck_.” Crowley released a strangled moan. Ezra freed his fingers from his waistband and slid a flaming palm over the denim of his trousers, pressing into Crowley’s obvious erection. 

“That’s the idea.” 

With that, Crowley’s self control crumbled. He grabbed Ezra by the hips and flipped him over, so he was now laying on his back. Ezra’s eyes were wide and Crowley ground his hips down while straddling him. Ezra had the excited, terrified look of someone who was about to ride a roller coaster for the first time. 

“Angel, are you sure you want this?” 

“Crowley, I wanted this before you knew my name. I’m just ready for it now.” 

Crowley’s stomach did an intricate back flip. Holy shit it was happening. He’d only wanked to this fantasy about a thousand times, and now it was here. 

“Bed,” he said. He scooped Ezra up into his arms and made for the backroom.

“Crowley!” Ezra giggled. _He giggled_. It was the most adorable fucking thing ever. Ezra was of a sturdy build, but Crowley was extremely in love and extremely horny. He could have lifted a car if it meant he could take Ezra to bed with him.

He threw him down roughly against the soft, black sheets. Hot mouths searched for each other in the dark. He undid Ezra’s bow-tie as if he were unwrapping a present that was made just for him, and made quick work of the buttons on Ezra’s shirt, while Ezra fisted the fabric of his. 

When his shirt was completely off, Crowley took a moment to stare down at the expanse of creamy white skin. He licked his kiss-swollen lips. _Delicious_. 

Ezra looked away, becoming visibly self conscious under the intense gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said while gesturing at his body. He wrapped his arms defensively around his stomach. “I know I must not look like some of the other people you’ve been with.”

Ezra was nothing like the other people Crowley had _been with_ because Ezra was perfect. He actually wanted to wake up and have Ezra still be there in the morning.

“Stop that,” he snapped, “Angel, you are fucking gorgeous.” He grabbed Ezra’s hand and placed it against his rigid cock. “Feel what your body’s done to me. Do you know how many times I’ve been hard for you?” Ezra’s cheeks were a vibrant red as he shook his head. “Trust me when I say it’s a lot. I almost caught fire when I saw you singing and dancing at school.” He brought Ezra’s hand up to his lips. “I love your body, and I intend to prove it to you.” Crowley leaned over and licked the stretch marks that rippled over the tops of Ezra’s hips, pulling down his trousers and underpants as he did so. Ezra gasped as Crowley thumbed circles over his thick thighs.

“Y-you too, d-darling. Let me see you, ah, as well.” Crowley stood up and obliged. He undressed slowly, peeling each layer off one by one. Ezra watched from the bed, mouth watering and pupils dilated.

Crowley crawled back onto the sheets on his hands and knees. He ghosted over the shell of Ezra’s ear, tickling it with his hot breath. “I know that this is new to you. Will you trust me to take care of you?” Ezra nodded and swallowed visibly, obviously not trusting himself to speak. 

Crowley lead a trail of scorching kisses down Ezra’s neck and over his abdomen, taking his time to suck on each nipple hardening nipple. Every kiss elicited a moan, much breathier and louder than the ones Ezra made while eating. Crowley’s throbbing cock ached at the sound of each one. 

Finally, he reached the inside of Ezra’s thighs. He took Ezra appraisingly in his hand and rubbed up his shaft. Ezra’s entire body trembled and his breath caught. 

“Oh, angel,” Crowley said, stopping to lick the slit. “You are going to love this.” He took the length of him into his mouth. 

-

Crowley’s mouth was made of fire. On instinct, Ezra grabbed Crowley’s gorgeous red hair and pulled. Embarrassed by the visceral reaction, Ezra let go but left his hands hovering in the air. To his surprise, Crowley grabbed them and placed them back on his scalp. He was encouraging him to pull. Every time Ezra did so, Crowley released his own sound of pleasure. Crowley’s fingers were drawing circles on Ezra’s hips as he sucked, and Ezra could feel the arousal building in his stomach with startling intensity. It all felt so good. He wanted it to last, but when he looked down and saw Crowley’s eyes boring into him, showing nothing but undisguised affection, he was pushed over the edge.

“C-C-Crowley, I’m, I’m--”

Crowley got the message, but continued anyway. His mouth stretched tightly around Ezra as he finished, crying out Crowley’s name. Ezra’s breathing gradually became less ragged and he opened his eyes. “Oh, my love. My dearest.”

“That was good for you?” Crowley asked anxiously. 

“That is by far the understatement of the year.” Ezra’s grin became devilish and he pulled him up for a messy kiss. “Perhaps you’d allow me to reciprocate?” 

Crowley raised his eyebrows and shivered beneath Ezra’s touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and then our epilogue!


	10. London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the epilogue! I plan on jumping around farther into their futures. If there are any events or activities you’d like to see, throw them out in the comments! I already have some planned, but I’d be happy to take suggestions if there’s something you want to see!

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Their schooling had finished and Crowley was laying on his thick downy comforter, Ezra wrapped in his arms. Ezra’s head was resting in the crook of his shoulder. Crowley leaned in to bury his nose in the soft, white-blonde curls and inhaled the intoxicating scent of coconut shampoo and baking flour.

Ezra had managed to coat himself in dry baking ingredients while making shortbread biscuits, and Crowley had found it too endearing and cute not to take him to bed immediately. Ezra hummed while lazily tracing patterns in Crowley’s red chest hair. 

“So darling, what are your grand plans for us this summer?”

Crowley had already mapped out every moment of the next three months. He wanted to make sure he didn’t waste a second of his remaining time with Ezra before he moved to London. Everyday would consist of at least one romantic outing and (hopefully) one session of passionate snogging.

What Crowley was most excited to do was take Ezra to dine at the Ritz before dropping him off at university. This was the last activity he had planned because he knew it would take the entire summer to save up enough money to give Ezra a truly spectacular evening there. He could already picture him wiggling with excitement. 

Of course he wasn’t about to tell Ezra that.

“Eh, I’ve got a few ideas,” he said casually, “Maybe some new restaurants, who knows. Anything you’d like to do?”

Ezra craned his neck and stared up at him through long, white eyelashes. “I think I’ll be content as long as I’m spending every moment with you.” He planted a painfully gentle kiss on his bicep. 

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Not helpful. You say that like we don’t already spend every second together.” They very nearly did, and somehow it still wasn’t enough for either of them. “If you're not more specific we might just spend the whole summer doing nothing but lounging around here.” 

“I can’t say I’d mind that,” Ezra hummed. He now placed a more fierce, sucking kiss on one of Crowley’s nipples. “I’m sure we’d find a way to keep ourselves entertained.” 

Crowley blushed fiercely, the color traveling down his neck and over his exposed chest. “Angel, uhh, ngk,” he said. Sometimes it was impossible to have a poker face (or even a coherent thought) around Ezra. Crowley felt his cock twitch, preparing itself for round two. Not only had Ezra taken to intimacy quickly, he was also _very_ good at it. 

Crowley stopped to sniff the air. “Do you smell something burning?” As if on cue, the timer went off in the kitchen. 

Ezra leapt out of the bed. “Fuck! The biscuits!” 

Alright, now Crowley’s body was fully ready for round two, and he officially decided that they needed to include more dirty talk in their relationship in the future. He checked his watch. Hopefully that future would come before they went out for dinner tonight. 

Ezra picked his over-sized UCL shirt up off the floor as he scuttled out of the room. Crowley had ordered it for him the day after his acceptance email came, and quickly became Ezra’s favorite article of clothing to lounge in. 

Crowley stretched in bed, staring at the white stucco ceiling of his modest flat. He felt truly at peace. He squirmed to where Ezra had been laying moments before. It was still warm, and he snuggled into it. Yes, not seeing Ezra everyday would be difficult, but he would store up all the experiences he could during the next three months. Tracy already agreed to give him every other weekend off, that could be enough. When loneliness inevitably set in, Crowley would have a catalog of memories to keep himself warm and happy.

His musings were disrupted when a creaking floorboard alerted him that Ezra was standing in the doorway. Crowley looked up and his gentle smile faltered. 

“Angel, what’s wrong?”

Ezra looked pale and turned to him with wide eyes. Crowley leapt out of bed and rested his hands on his love’s shoulders, rubbing soothing circles. “Angel?” 

He turned his head, if only now recognizing his presence. He looked deep in thought. “Oh, hello.”

“Yeah, hullo, what’s going on?” 

“We...we need to talk.” 

_FUCK. SHIT. FUCK._

“About what?” Crowley tried to keep the anxiety out of his voice, and failed spectacularly. 

Ezra was able to register Crowley’s panic and clarified, “Not about us, darling. Well, not exactly about us.” 

“ _Uhhhhh_ , not helping, angel,” Crowley said while shaking his head. 

“I got another email from UCL admissions office.” God, that was it? Crowley decided he was going to write Ezra a book titled “How to Speak to Someone with Abandonment Issues”. It would just say _never tell someone ‘we need to talk’_ over and over for 200 pages. He already knew it’d be a bestseller.

“Wait, the admissions office, again? Is it normal to get two admissions letters?” Crowley’s mind jumped to the worst case scenario, as it often did. “They’re not taking away your acceptance, are they? Fuck, if they think they can do that, I swear that I will personally drive there and--”

“They’re offering me a scholarship.”

“What? Ezra, that’s great!” Why didn’t Ezra look like that was great? 

“I suppose it is,” Ezra laughed nervously. “Half tuition, actually. You know that my family isn’t supporting me financially, so it would be a huge relief.”

Ezra still hadn’t made eye contact with him. “If this is a good thing, then why do you look like you’ve seen the Ghost of Christmas Past?” Crowley asked.

“The scholarship only applies if I start summer term, not fall.”

Oh. So they’d have less time together. That would be _just fine_. “When is that?” Crowley inquired.

“I’d begin my classes in eight days, and I’d probably need to leave earlier to find a flat and get settled.” 

Crowley felt something in his chest deflate. “Less than a week?” he said weakly. “Alright, we’ll be starting long distance sooner than expected. That’s totally doable.”

Crowley was trying to think if there were any romantic activities he could work in while helping Ezra pack. With his current bank statement, the Ritz was definitely out of the question. Crowley gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Ezra had been so stressed about money and working. This was good for Ezra, and he really was happy for him, but damn it if the timing wasn’t a bitch. 

“Crowley, I’ve been giving this more and more thought.” Ezra closed his eyes while speaking, like he was trying to look inside himself for courage, “I don’t want to do a long distance relationship.”

Crowley felt something shatter inside him. “Angel, but I… I thought…I thought that…” He stammered. Was it possible to hear your own heart break? 

“I want you to move to London with me.”

“ _You what?!_ ” 

“You don’t have to!” Ezra said quickly. “It’s just, you said yourself that the cost of living was the only thing keeping you from moving back. It would be very practical if we lived together and split rent. I have money saved up from the library, and if we were both working we could probably afford something close to the university. They say that two can live as cheaply as one,” Ezra hadn’t stopped to take a single breath. Crowley continued to stare at him, mouth open like a fish. “You know what? Forget I said anything. Please, I’m sorry, dear. It’s a stupid idea. My mouth ran away from me, as it does, and--”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” Ezra said, face hopeful. 

“Yes to everything. Yes to moving. Yes to you.”

Ezra's eyes were wet and shining. “You’d pack up your whole life here in a week?”

“Ezra, my whole life is leaving for London in a week regardless. Aside from you, Tracy is the only other person in Tadfield I care about. To be honest, I think she likes you more than me anyways.”

“You’re sure this isn’t too fast? We’ve only been dating two months. I’m not asking too much?” 

“What can I say, angel? I’m a speed demon.” Asmodeus had strutted into the room and was wrapping himself around Crowley’s leg. He picked up the cat and held him at eye level. “How about it, boy? Are you ready for an adventure?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I put in the top notes, next chapter is the epilogue! I plan on jumping around farther into their futures. If there are any events or activities you’d like to see, throw them out in the comments! I already have some planned, but I’d be happy to take suggestions if there’s something you want to see!


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to each of you that left comments and gave kudos! You’ve helped fuel this whole process! I hope you are ready for the Tooth Rotting-Happily Ever After- Fluff Zone™.
> 
> Update: This chapter now has art from birbteef!

Crowley and Ezra had been living together for nearly seven years. Seven blissful years, and Crowley was grateful for each one of the 2,553 days. 

Initially, the days had consisted of cramped, cheap apartments and ramen noodles. Crowley didn’t mind working multiple odd jobs while Ezra finished school, and he definitely didn’t mind the warm body laying next to him when he woke up every morning. Despite Crowley’s insistence that he stay in bed and get the extra rest, a bleary eyed Ezra would get up to make sure his partner had fresh coffee and some type of breakfast before every early morning shift. 

Crowley was in no financial position to take Ezra to the Ritz to celebrate his first day at university, but he was able to buy him a bouquet of flowers. Daffodils, goldenrods, and red tulips- new beginnings, encouragement, and true love. 

“They’re absolutely stunning, dear,” Ezra had said, his voice thick with emotion. “Thank you. Thank you so much for your support.”

Ezra had dried, pressed, and laminated each flower into a bookmark, which he gleefully used in his textbooks. When he was overwhelmed with schoolwork, tests, and other assignments, they served as a happy reminder that everything would be alright. He had the love of a good man, and together they could face anything; even a twenty page analysis on the use of the color orange in The Great Gatsby. 

Money was tight in the beginning, so Ezra had been teaching Crowley how to cook instead of eating out. Crowley had requested they make homemade spaghetti and garlic bread for their first dinner lesson. Ezra had surprised him with a large stick on mustache and awful Italian accent for the duration of the evening, and Crowley had laughed so hard that marinara sauce shot out of his nose. He officially decided these dinners were probably better than the Ritz anyways. 

Crowley had heard that relationships became more difficult as time went on. People told him that the other person began taking you for granted, that the passion died down, and eventually your partner's quirks would become less charming and more annoying. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. He still found Ezra’s company thrilling. No matter how shitty his day was, no matter how many red lights he hit, or how rude customers were, Crowley was always welcomed home with a warm smile that still lit up his entire body. A smile that made the rough days a bit more bearable. 

Ezra graduated with a double major in literature and business management and soon became the manager of his favorite bookstore. 

Crowley had gone from sweeping up trimmings to making arrangements at a local flower shop. They were finally able to move from a studio apartment to a two bedroom flat in Soho. Crowley was thrilled when he could finally afford to take Ezra to all the places he deserved, though Ezra insisted he was just as happy to feed the ducks at Saint James as he was to watch Hamlet at the Globe. 

They had been living together for seven years, and a ring had been burning a hole in Crowley’s pocket for over a month now. He’d been ready to marry Ezra the day he suggested they move to London, but had decided to hold off. Ezra seemed to have a more traditional view of marriage, and Crowley didn’t want to rush him into anything. He also didn’t want to scare him off by seeming too needy. It would be more proper to wait. He figured he’d know when it was the right time to ask. Marriage wouldn’t change the nature of their relationship, so there was no point in pressuring him. 

Crowley decided the time was right six weeks ago, on Christmas day. 

Crowley had never liked Christmas growing up because he never had anyone to celebrate with. It was just another reminder that he was alone and he began to resent the holiday, but Ezra loved Christmas and Crowley loved Ezra. They had developed multiple traditions together and, even though he would never admit it, Crowley always looked forward to making a Christingle while wearing the tacky sweaters Ezra had purchased at GoodWill. 

This holiday season was more solemn. Asmodeus had probably lived to be about 200 in cat years, but Crowley was still crushed when he passed. The tiny santa hat Ezra had forced the cat to wear was their new tree topper, and Crowley stared at it wistfully. His trance was broken when Ezra placed a comically large box on his lap. To his surprise, he could feel something moving inside of it. 

Crowley looked up at him with wide eyes. “Angel, you didn’t.” Excitement bloomed in his chest as he lifted the lid to the box and laid eyes on a chubby, orange kitten no larger than his palm.

Ezra had been quite proud of himself for keeping the gift a secret; which he did by storing the little scamp at Newt and Anathema’s. The orange ball of fur opened its tiny mouth to mew, indignantly protesting the large red bow taped to his collar. 

“Surprise!” Ezra said nervously. “I hope you like him. I know he could never replace Asmodeus, but a friend of mine posted on the Facebook that her cat had had a litter and she couldn’t care for all of them. They were all going to a shelter, and when I saw his face in the picture l--”

The blonde stopped talking when he was embraced in a tight hug. Crowley was so touched he even decided to ignore the fact Ezra had said ‘the facebook’.

“He’s perfect, really.” He stopped to wipe his eyes and stared at the kitten. “Looks like a Mephistopheles to me. What do you think?”

“I think the name suits him perfectly, darling.”

Crowley brought the meowing, little fuzzball close to his face to get a better look. The whiskers tickled his nose and Crowley sneezed twice in quick succession. 

“That's weird,” Ezra said.

“That I sneezed? S’not an allergic reaction, angel. Just tickled me a bit.”

“It’s not strange that you sneezed, dear. It’s just that you usually sneeze three times in a row, not two.” 

That was it. That’s when Crowley knew it was time. Ezra had subconsciously learned his sneezing patterns- what’s more domestic than that? Ezra was a devoted partner and his best friend. He deserved a fancy party, a day to be treated like a prince. Crowley wanted to show him off and to share their love with their friends and family. Also, Crowley had recently come to the realization that if something happened to either of them, they would legally mean nothing to each other and that was just unacceptable. 

Of course, Ezra knew he could marry Crowley three years prior to this event, when Crowley had corrected him on his mispronounced Gandalf’s sword. Ezra had dreamed of a fancy wedding since he was a child, but he’d never force Crowley to do something that would make him uncomfortable. He was so cool and nontraditional, and if it was something he wanted he was sure his love would have brought it up by now. They cared about and were devoted to each other, and that was enough for him. 

**Crowley and Mephistopheles**

Ezra had been absolutely thrilled when Crowley had made the reservation at the Ritz. He stared at himself in their full length mirror as he got ready. He was running a comb through his hair in a desperate attempt to get his curls to behave (fat chance). He had dressed himself in his tailored tan suit, complete with a velvet waistcoat and the blue bow tie Crowley had gifted him for their one month anniversary seven years ago. 

Crowley’s mouth went dry at the sight of him. There were times his brain involuntarily stopped to admire how beautiful his partner was, and this was one of those times. How had he gotten even more handsome over the years? He had decided to wear an all black suit with a thin, blood-red tie. He was hoping the black would prevent Ezra from seeing how much he was sweating. Both men felt that their looks juxtaposed perfectly. 

Ezra gasped as they walked through the entrance. “Oh, it’s even more magnificent than I imagined! I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a treat,” he beamed. 

Crowley shot him a crooked smile and snorted. “You’ve only brightened everyday of my bloody life. Anyways, I meant to take you here ages ago.” He could feel butterflies gnawing a hole in his stomach as he nervously glanced at Ezra’s bright blue eyes. 

In the soft light of the dining room, Ezra looked like he was glowing. _He’ll say yes,_ Crowley kept telling himself, _he loves you, you own a cat together, this won’t scare him away_.

After finishing their first three courses, Ezra took a bite into his cherry souffle and moaned. He reached for Crowley’s hand, as if he needed emotional support for all of the rich flavors he was experiencing. That’s when he noticed his partner was trembling.

“Darling, you’re shaking and you’ve hardly eaten anything. What’s wrong? Are you ill?” He also realized the redhead had taken his sunglasses off and placed them in his breast pocket. Crowley’s scar was more faded, but it was something he still tried to hide in public. 

“Nah, m’fine,” he replied in a strained voice, “everything's tickety-boo.” 

Ezra set his fork down and dabbed at the corners of his mouth. “Now I _know_ something is wrong. You only say that when you’re completely frazzled.” 

Crowley took a moment to let his breathing even out. “Ezra, do you remember when we spent my eighteenth birthday under the stars?”

“Yes, I do recall that,” he said with a shy smile.

“Right. You might also recall that I said I’d never met someone as kind and thoughtful as you, and that you were the first person to make me feel good about life. I said that you made me feel like I should be doing more than just surviving.” 

Ezra blushed. Crowley loved that he could still make him blush.

“I still believe that,” Crowley continued, “Even more so now. Angel, I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to.” 

There were tears in the corners of Ezra’s eyes. “That’s so lovely of you to say.” 

Crowley exhaled a shaking breath. “I’m only saying it because it’s true. Ezra, you are my guardian angel, my everything.” _There’s still time to back out,_ his anxiety whispered, _he doesn’t have to know this was your intention._ He shooed those thoughts away. 

Crowley slid off of his chair and on to one knee. With a quavering hand, he opened the black velvet box he had kept in his pocket for the last four weeks. Ezra gasped, and soon the entire dining room was staring at them. “Aziraphale Zachariah Fell, I love you more than I have ever found a way to say. I love you and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I’ll love you then too. I want to spend my life making you as happy as you make me. Would you please do me the immense honor of marrying me?” _Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes_. 

“Oh, darling!” Ezra gave him a blinding smile. “Of course! Yes!” 

Restaurant broke out into applause as Crowley slid the golden ring on his finger. _Holy shit, he said yes._

They had enjoyed their dinner, but Crowley was ready to leave when Ezra suggested that they _celebrate the engagement properly_ at home. The way he stroked Crowley’s thigh under the table had him practically sprinting out the door. To Crowley’s surprise, it was raining heavily outside. A loud crack of thunder tore across the sky.

“I hope this isn’t a bad omen,” he said. 

“Not in the least,” his fiance, _fiance_ , replied, “In fact...” Ezra stepped out into the street, “I find the whole thing terribly romantic!” He was soaked within seconds, blonde curls sticking to his forehead. He reached out a soft hand. “Run with me?” he asked. 

Crowley took his fiance’s warm palm and they ran to their car, laughing the entire time. He guessed it wasn’t a bad omen after all. 

The engagement lasted two years. Ezra wanted his family to attend the wedding, and worked hard to mend the bridge between them. In the end, his father and two of his four siblings had attended. Crowley danced with Tracy, and Ezra danced with Anathema at the reception.

_Two Years After the Wedding_

“I can’t,” Crowley said, “I can’t let you do this. I don’t want you to put your dreams on hold.”

“Darling, I’ll get my bookshop eventually, and I am perfectly happy in management right now. Also, if I hear you complain about your boss Henrietta one more time, I might discorporate.”  
They stood outside a tiny, abandoned storefront. “This would make a wonderful place for a flower shop. You’re ready for this, I know you are. I’ve got my business degree, I’ll help you every step of the way.” 

Ezra would get his bookshop eventually, and everyday it would have a new bouquet of fresh cut flowers from his husband’s store.

_Four Year Later_

“Two? Two!? You’re joking.”

“They’re siblings, Crowley. They couldn’t very well separate them.” 

“Yes, but two!?”

“Their mother just relinquished custody of them and they need a home. Darling, don’t you want to give it to them?” 

“You know I want this, but… _two_?” he said weakly.

Crowley never thought he would be a family man. He didn’t have a family growing up. No siblings, no father, and he had left his horrible mother when he was 16 years old. When Ezra had first brought up the idea of adoption, Crowley had been terrified, but surprisingly excited by the idea.

They had been at a shopping mall when Ezra first suggested it. Crowley had been smiley fondly at a tiny pair of ducky rain boots in a display window. 

“Do you like them?” Ezra had asked in a teasing voice.

“Got ducks on them. It’d be impossible not to,” Crowley replied, embarrassed he’d be distracted by something so childish.

Ezra hesitated before responding to his husband. “Have you ever thought about it before?”

“About what?”

He paused again. “Buying a pair of ducky rain boots.”

The redhead stared at him quizzically. “Not sure they’d have them in my size. Not really my style anyways.” 

“I meant buying them for a child, Crowley.”

“What child would we be buying rain boots for?”

Ezra was somewhat frustrated his husband couldn’t take a hint. Exacerbated, he replied, “Our child!”

“Our child?” Crowley croaked. 

“I mean, oh dear. This wasn’t how I planned on bringing it up.” Ezra was wringing his hands and twisting his golden wedding band. It was the telltale sign that he was nervous. “I see us as a family,” he began slowly, “I am very happy with that consisting of the two of us, but have you ever considered wanting more? Is adopting children something you’ve ever been interested in?”

“I don’t know. I’d have to think about it,” he answered honestly. As a gay man, he had resigned himself to the idea he would never have kids. Was that something he wanted? He thought back to all the times he’d seen parents with their toddlers at Saint James Park. Why had it always caused a soreness in his chest? 

Ezra had been incredibly patient while Crowley discussed his hesitations, and shared his ultimate desires. Yes, he _did_ want that. 

Crowley knew that Ezra would make a great father, really. Ezra was warm, and kind, and patient. What was Crowley? His own father had been an absentee flake and his mother had been a nightmare. His DNA wasn’t programmed for this. Now, the thought of fucking up two children, _two_ , was more than he could take. Plants he was good with. All the children he’d interacted with seemed to like him well enough, but he had the feeling raising a child ( _or two_ ) would be a different experience. 

“Now that it’s here, I don’t know if I’m ready for this, angel.” 

Ezra took Crowley by the hand and pulled him towards their ugly, comfortable tartan couch. He moved so Crowley was sitting in his lap. Ezra wrapped his arms around his husband’s skinny frame. 

“I know you’re scared darling, I am too.” He cupped his husband’s face and rubbed a thumb over a sharp cheekbone. “You have every right to be nervous, but any child would be lucky to have you as their father. You’ve read more of those parenting books than I have, and the renovations you’ve made to the spare room were so thoughtful.” 

“How old are they?”

“Warlock is five, and Adam is two. They’re half siblings. They have the same mother and different fathers, but they’ve been raised together their whole lives...in less than ideal circumstances. Darling, we’d be giving them a home. A good home.” 

Crowley wished he was wearing his sunglasses. He covered his eyes with his palms. “What if I fuck it up? What if I ruin them?”

“Crowley, please look at me.” Crowley reluctantly moved his hands. “You have taken such good care of me. The love you have for the people you care about is unconditional. Your heart has so much room in it. We might make mistakes, but I believe it’s quite impossible for you to ‘fuck this up’.” Ezra brushed a tear off his husband’s cheek. “I can call back the adoption agency if you feel that you need more time, but I hope you know that I have the utmost faith in you. Do you believe me?” 

Crowley did, so their next adventure began.

This one would include two beautiful children, a bookshop, a constant string of I love yous, and PTA bake sales with the best blueberry scones anyone had ever tasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you’ve enjoyed this story. I appreciate all of you that left comments and kudos! You guys are the best!
> 
> Edit: Someone expressed interest in reading about their next adventure, so I might publish a one shot on them being dads. I have a wlw fic I want to finish first, but I thought I'd let y'all know that ineffable dads might be coming at some point in the distant future. I'm not sure if I would make this work a series, or just add it as another chapter. Let me know if you have an opinion :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave comments! They mean everything to me. I’d love to know what you think or what you’d like to see! Thanks again for reading!


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